Please stand by...

I've been feeling a little under the weather the last few days. No worries though...I will have a new blog post SOON! Thanks for reading :).


You know you love me,


Stacey xo

Remembering My Friend

I was thinking about what it must be like to be in high school in the age of cellphones and Blackberry's and Facebook. When I was in school...passing notes was one of the main forms of communication (yup, I'm a dinosaur). This lead me to think about my friend Rod. Rod was killed in a car accident when I was in grade 12. He would have been all OVER things like cellphones and iPods. He would have scoffed at the idea of Facebook but I know he would have eventually succumbed to the pressure to join (I probably would have set up an account for him without telling him first!).

Rod was one of my best friends. There was a time when we were joined at the hip. My parent's knew him and liked him. My little brother thought he was too cool (especially after he taught Jayson how to start his socks on fire with the lint from a lighter!). My sister let him play 'Home Sweet Home' on her piano (to this day I can't listen to that song). We hung out every day after school, parted ways for supper and then, the minute supper was done and the dishes were in the dishwasher, we were together again for the evening. If we weren't together, we were yacking on the phone about Motley Crue's latest album or things that happened the previous weekend.

Rod at his grade 12 grad.

We didn't really do a whole hell of a lot when we were together. We were kids. Our antics during the week consisted of driving around listening to Cinderella or Ratt, hanging out at the park smoking or sitting in Annette's basement talking for hours on end. Sometimes we did stupid, immature shit. I remember one time we thought it was super funny to drive forward and backward repeatedly in front of our friend Warren's house. Warren and his parents couldn't figure out what the hell was going on as it was dark out. We thought we were HILARIOUS! Another time we found an old bowling ball and would roll it down the street and crash it into things. It seems to me we found that bowling ball somewhere near the “Devil's House”. That was another activity we often enjoyed. There was an old, abandoned house that was located off 33^rd Street down a gravel road. Rumour had it that it was haunted. A few of us would go there after dark and basically wait until something scared the shit out of us...and something always did! Ahhh...the innocence of youth.

When the weekends rolled around, Rod's older brother would take our orders for the LBS and we would wait anxiously for him to return so we could get started on getting “wasted”. We would do this at the first available house (read: the parental units were gone out). We would always drink either Jack Daniels (I still have an empty bottle that we drank together) or Budweiser. I'll never forget when we were drinking at my house one time and my parent's came home. They didn't mind so much that we were drinking but when Mom noticed that Rod and I were drinking beer with STRAWS she gave us supreme shit! It seems to me she told us to “grow up”...LOL! I remember another time drinking at my house. I had a little too much that night and passed out on the floor (sorry, Mom, but I know this isn't exactly a shock). Rod was convinced that I was dead and started crying. My friend Annette not only had to deal with me being passed out but had to try convince Rod that I was indeed, alive and...hmm...'well' just doesn't seem to fit here. Alive and out cold!

As close as Rod and I were, we tended to get into frequent arguments. We were both dramatic and stubborn as hell and it usually took a 3^rd party to get us “back together”. The last time I saw Rod, that 3^rd party just so happened to be a party.

My parent's and siblings had gone to my Uncle's farm for Thanksgiving. I opted out...and still to this day can't believe I was allowed to! That weekend there were 2 big parties going on...we called them “shakers”. One was on the East side...the other was at my house. This party was HUGE. I remember walking into the house after checking on a friend passed out in a car (!) and all I could see was a sea of people. Yup, it had gotten WAY out of hand (hindsight is 20/20). Anyway, Rod and I had been fighting for a couple of weeks (I think?) and I hadn't seen him at all in that time. He caught wind that there was a party at my house and he came over to show off his new Mustang (and it was brand-spanking new) and probably give me shit for not inviting him to the party. Over a shared cigarette, we made amends and made plans to get together the following weekend to watch a Guns 'n Roses concert I had “taped” from Much Music. Well...that never happened.

Rod was killed that following weekend. He was driving on a grid road and lost control of his car. Another friend also died in the crash. Two girlfriends that were in the car survived.

I can't tell you how often I still think that if I didn't have that party, Rod and I would have never called a truce and he would have died with the 2 of us still fighting...over something RIDICULOUS (the things we scrapped about were always ridiculous). I can't imagine the guilt that I know I would still feel.

Even though it was been 23 years since Rod died, I think of him often. I truly believe in my heart we would still be friends if he were alive. We were both just too damn sentimental to stay away from each other for long.

I guess that leads me to offer some motherly advice...Never, ever end a conversation with someone you care about on a sour note. Never walk away mad. Never let petty differences or arguments overtake a relationship/friendship. I know it can be hard at times but try think of the alternative. Imagine getting a phone call that someone you love is gone. Imagine that guilt and pain. We never know when our number is up so hold those you care about close to your heart--at all times...no matter what.

I miss you, Rod. Ratt 'n Roll buddy (PS. You would have loved Jagermeister!).

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Is This Weather Related Bitchiness? The Moon? Menopause? What???

I've had kind of a crappy few days. My mood has been in the toilet. It is either my fault...I attempted something before I was ready...OR it is the wonky moon we had the other night. Nevertheless, because of this I have been somewhat of a Sour Puss. Join me for a shot of bitchiness, won't you......

1. People who didn't shovel all winter and now have mini-skating rinks in front of their houses. These people are, without a doubt, the same people who don't scrape their car windows. Get off your lazy fucking asses and start chipping the ice away....on your hands and knees...with a Sharon Stone-esque ice pick. You all make me SICK and I hope you FALL. Yup, I said it...I. HOPE. YOU. FALL.
   
   
2. Cosmetic/hair companies who use actresses or singers to peddle their products. Whatever happened to models? If I was a model I would be pissed. I don't need to see Drew Barrymore 25 times a day hawking mascara. Watching her talk out of the side of her mouth like Jean Chretien sends me into a rage.
   
   
3. Tattoos. I am SO sick of tattoos. Sorry folks but only about a quarter of them out there even look half-good. I am sick of 20-something little girls walking around with sleeves thinking they are cooler than everyone else. I am sick of people talking about them or droning on and on about their “next one”. NOBODY CARES. And no, having a tattoo does not put you into a different “category” than everyone else. Get over yourself. Mark my words kids...this is a trend. Take heed laser removal clinics. There is going to be a BIG BOOM in the next few years. Start hiring now.
   
   
4. Pink hair, blue hair, red hair. It's soooo 2010. Unless you are under 16, it's over. You don't look edgy anymore. You look outdated. Move on.
   
   
5. I am SO sick of people being so bloody kidcentric. Not everyone has kids. Not everyone WANTS kids. Those who have decided against it should be applauded for knowing they aren't cut out for parenthood. And hey, as far as I can tell when I go shopping or out to eat, a good number of those who have children, shouldn't. Get off your high horses (chairs?). Not having kids does not make me or anyone else, less of a person. And contrary to popular belief...one CAN have a very fulfilling live sans kids.
   
   
6. The latest Dairy Queen commercials with the guitar that “sounds like dolphins”. Who is coming up with this shit? It is not even remotely funny or clever. Where is Donald Trump when you need him...Dairy Queen marketing execs...you're FIRED.
   
   
7. People on Facebook who post semi-nude profile/album pics. I can't begin to express how pathetic I find this. Are you really THAT desperate? Cause let me tell ya...that's how it appears. And mothers out there...Really? You want your kids and their friends looking at you half-naked? I am pretty sure there are other websites that would be happy to post your pictures...perhaps cougarsdesperateforattention.com.
   
   
8. This is actually a very personal/serious one I HAD to throw in. People who cut and run when a friend is going through a tough time. I pity you. I sincerely hope you end up all alone. I also hope your friends are all exactly like you because you don't deserve to have good people in your life. Karma is a bitch, bitches.
   
   
9. 1-800/888 numbers. Seriously. I am ready to SNAP. Correction...I HAVE snapped. I have an 888 number that calls every single day...more than once. It is a computer generated survey so I can't tell them to fuck off...though I still yell it into the phone. What? It makes me feel better. Don't say you never do it!
   
   
10. The people out there who are convinced the earthquake in Japan has to do with the bible. You know...the ones who think the earth moving is one of the “signs” of the “last days”. How fucking brainwashed are you? The BIBLE? It is a work of FICTION...and not a very good one at that. “Natural” disasters have been occurring FOREVER and the human race is still here. With that being said, I hope when Jesus Christ “returns” he brings Elvis, Liberace and Michael Jackson with him. Woot...party!

Well, that is where I am going to end it. Yes, I may come off as being bitchier than “usual” but...it's my state of mind at the moment. Gotta be honest. I'm not one to fake my mood...I couldn't if I tried.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

ARGHHHHHH!

(A Few of ) My Secrets to an Enjoyable Life

I've been reflecting a lot on the last year. Where I was last year at this time, and where I am now. It is basically night and day. It's amazing how far I have come in a year. My life has totally changed. I am a totally different person. I am now one of the positive people I used to envy (and have great disdain for). Who would have ever thought?

There are a few things that I think can make our lives go extra smoothly. I'm not talking about being debt-free or having a good job. I am talking about little things that can make life better. If you stick to this list...your life will rock. Trust me!

1. Everyone should have a great esthetician. There is really nothing more important than good eyebrows. Eyebrows frame your face and can totally change how you look. I used to have a friend who had super thin brows. I did her make-up one day and GAVE her brows. She. Looked. Amazing! If you spend money on any kind of beauty service... spend it on an eyebrow wax from a REPUTABLE esthetician (there are a lot of bad ones out here judging from the eyebrows I see walking around the city). Ernie's friend/partner (?) Bert is not who you want to model your brows after. Neither is the East L.A gang-leader's girlfriend
   
   
2. Always have beer in the fridge. You never know when someone is going to pop over. Sitting around with a good friend and a cold one, shooting the shit can be one of the most enjoyable experiences. Often, the best times are totally unplanned (which is amazing for me considering I used to write itineraries on the day my friends and I went to the exhibition!). 
   
   
3. And on that note...always have Jagermeister in the freezer. Jagermeister is in the same category as tea-tree oil. It has many, many uses, a lot of them medicinal! Too full? Have a shot! Upset tummy? Have a shot! Nervous/uneasy? Have a shot! Have a zit? Dab it with Jag (haha...kidding!). A friend was getting ready for a first date not long ago. She was soooo nervous. I told her to have a shot of Jag to ease her nervous tummy. She didn't have any so I immediately got in my car and personally delivered a shot to her! It really is THE Nectar of the Gods!
   
   
4. Cream cheese. If you always have a brick of cream cheese on hand...you are good to go! Need to make an unexpected appetizer? Don't have any ideas for supper? Bust out the cream cheese and your options are endless!
   
   
5. Black dresses. All the girls out there know this but how many have one? I mean a really good one? My closet is full of black dresses (probably because all I wear is black...Goth much?) but to those who don't have one? Get shopping. A black dress can take you from a wedding to a bar on a Friday night. You can wear it to work with heels or to run errands with flats. As we know, black is very forgiving when it comes to the figure flaws that we ALL have. Black...Not just for funerals anymore!
   
   
6. I wasn't going to include stuff like this but, I have to. GOOD friends! Hang onto them and never let go. Over the past 5 years I have purged all the trash from my life. This has included several people who claimed to be “friends”. Friends do not make you feel bad, do not abandon you during the rough times and, in this day and age, write Facebook statuses to hurt you. If you have people in your life who do this? Get rid of them. NOW. I did it and have never looked back. I am now surrounded by the most amazing and supportive people I have ever known.
   
   
7. Read! I had a conversation with a friend the other night. He isn't a big reader. We were talking about how judgey some people can be when they find out someone doesn't like to read. I don't give a shit who reads or not. I just know that in the last year I have turned into somewhat of a voracious reader and have learned SO much. And I don't mean in a scholarly way. I tend to read a lot of autobiographies. Learning from others life experiences can have a profound effect on our own lives. Trust me. I mean it's because of Motley Crue's 'The Dirt' that I have decided to stick with vodka/soda as opposed to doing 8-balls of heroin ;).
   
   
8. Good tunes are the soundtracks of our lives. Songs can bring back memories, take us back to a time in our lives and help us through hard times. There are a few bands that I listened to last year whose lyrics absolutely, without a doubt, helped me through some very dark days. Wanna feel like you are 13 again? Throw on Duran Duran. Need to get pumped up to go out when you are dead tired? Spin a Gaga or Britney disc. Feeling angry? Eminem will help you get your aggressions out. I would die without my tunes.
   
   
9. Take too many of pictures. I have my camera with me at all times. In the age of digital cameras we can now take TONS of pictures and print them off ourselves, at our leisure. We don't have to worry about taking the “film” in to get developed (amazing that my niece will probably never know what “film” is!) or about some stranger looking at our pics (hehe). What we need to do is start taking pictures of everyday life...your Mom in the kitchen baking bread, your Dad BBQing, your Grandma sitting in her favourite chair. It's the little things like that that we have a hard time remembering. It's those little things that really are more important than taking pictures of people you barely know at your second cousin's third wedding.
   
   
10. Finally...and this one is so very important. Accept people for who they are. There is always going to be something about our friends and family members that irritates the shit out of us! That is life. We are all so unique it is inevitable. We have to embrace our differences and our quirks. We have to accept that we ALL go through hard times and sometimes say and do things that will hurt or piss someone off. Forgive. We all make mistakes. EVERYONE makes mistakes.

I didn't intend for this list to take such a heartfelt turn. I guess as I was writing, these are the things that stood out in the forefront of my mind. Anyway... be happy! I can finally say that after A LOT of work, I genuinely am. And don't worry...Smart-Ass Stacey will be back next time!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Adventures in...uh...Zellers?

So I went to the Zellers last night out of boredom. It used to be a Walmart but after Walmart moved to Stonehenge, Zellers took over. I often go to Zellers because they have really cheap, funky costume jewellery (bought a kick-ass ring for $3!) and an awesome Rubbermaid selection (I love organizing stuff and putting it in containers...um...yeah).

I encountered some weirdo people there last night. First and foremost, the swearing guy in the men's underwear department. You may be asking yourself what I was doing in the men's underwear department. Well, I like to look at the pictures on the packages of underwear. HA...kidding (?). I was looking for some cheapo, packaged v-neck t-shirts to wear to the gym. Anyway, Zellers is typically VERY unorganized so I was in that section for awhile. There was also a 20-something guy in that section at the same time. I don't know WTF was going on with this guy but he would randomly start swearing every couple of minutes (and I'm certain it wasn't Tourette's). I avoided making eye contact in case he was about to go postal (if I'm going to be held hostage I want it to be somewhere a lot cooler than Zellers). Not sure if he couldn't find his size, colour, style. Maybe he was wanting a gold g-string or zebra print manties and discovered that Zellers isn't quite that risque. Whatever it was....WEIRD.

I then headed to my beloved jewellery section. There is always a ton of shit on sale and thrown into bins. While I was going through the ring bin, a sales associate started hovering around me. It didn't matter if I moved 3 feet to the left or to the right, she was there. She was looking at me like I was a 16 year old attempting to steal condoms. Seriously, what the hell?

I ended up having to make 2 separate purchases due to my age-related failing memory. When I was paying for my first batch of stuff, the woman in front of me discovered her HBC Rewards card was not working. After the cashier explained it to her I started telling her about how the same thing randomly happened to my card at the Bay and how it was such a pain, blah, blah, blah. The woman stood there and stared at me. Didn't say a word, just stared at me. It. Was. Awkward. Perhaps she was under the impression that most teenagers are little assholes and was shocked that one was actually talking to her? I dunno. People are fucked.

Next up I thought I would venture into Circle Mall. Bad idea. The guy at the flat-iron kiosk started chasing me. Listen BUD...first of all, my hair is board straight and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't get it straightened by some random yahoo in the middle of the freakin' MALL. Beat it!

I figured I needed some refuge and strolled into the record store (do people still call them “record” stores?). There were GIANT yellow signs that said, “Blow-out sale. Everything in store 30% off. All inventory must go”. So, I assumed it was a closing out sale. I asked the 'I'm too cool to talk to you' sales clerk when the store was closing and he said it wasn't. Ohhhh...it's a secret then? Well the blaring yellow and black signs you have plastered on every square inch of the store and fact that I couldn't even find an Eminem CD may give that secret away, FYI (I've since Googled and apparently CD Plus is in fact closing). Record store excursion=Fail.

At this point I'd had enough of the mall and went back to Zellers as that is where I had parked. I remembered that I forgot to buy tinfoil and dish soap. I went to the soap section and the soap I wanted was too high for me to reach. I had to stand on the bottom shelf and then use another bottle of soap to try move the one I wanted closer to me so I could grab it. Several people taller than 5 foot fucking 3 (rounded up from 5'2 ^3/4 ) walked by but could ONE offer to help me? FML.

After that...I was DONE. There are some days when going to the mall is not a very good idea. This was clearly one of those days. I shoulda got outta dodge after witnessing the freak out in the underwear department. I also should have stayed home and watched Jersey Shore. Even THAT would have been less painful.

If you go out shopping this weekend...take my advice and avoid the men's underwear department. Oh and if you see a flat-iron kiosk...run like hell.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Hi. My Name is Stacey and I am a Shoe-aholic

Much has been made about my “collection” of shoes. I have a lot, I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure someone could put a down-payment on a house with the amount I have spent on them. Sick, I know, but they bring me so much joy and happiness. Shoes are the children of the childless and what brings more joy than children? There are a lot of shoes out there that don't have anyone to love them and that is where I come in. If I see a lonely pair of shoes, being the kind and compassionate girl that I am, I am going to bring them home with me. I know, I am a shoemanitarian.

Some of the kids.

My shoes have many different personalities, just like children. I have the bad-ass black boots. I have the “conservative” work shoe (though my dear friend, Allison, would say that my definition of conservative is a little off). I have the naughty stiletto and the sensible flat. There are the cutesy shoes with bows and the rockin' shoes with skulls. I really do have them all which makes me wonder...do I have too many? When putting an outfit together the hardest part is picking out a pair of shoes and it's not because I don't have anything that works. It's because I have too many that work. Sigh. Life is tough.

There are many, many reasons to love shoes. Here's a brief list:

1. Shoes will fit when the jeans don't. Unlike jeans...shoes don't care if you have put on 5lbs. Screw you, jeans!
   
   
2. Shoes are little works of art. I'm sure I am not the only one who displays her shoes for all to see. The craftsmanship, the supple leather, the rich suede, the shiny patent, the colours, the textures, the applique's, the...EVERYTHING!
   
   
3. We need shoes to function on a daily basis. It's true. Don't ever let anyone give you slack for buying a pair of shoes. We literally need them.
   
   
4. Shoes get attention. Nothing will turn heads like a hot pair of shoes. Men...if you want attention from women, you better invest in a good pair of shoes. Shoes really do make the man.
   
   
5. Purchasing shoes gives a high like nothing else. Oh yes...there is a new drug in town. Hmm, how long until Shoe-aholic Anonymous meetings start popping up?
   
   
6. Shoes bring people together. Maybe if the war-mongers of the world wore nicer shoes they would unite and the world would finally have peace. Just sayin'.
   
   
7. Shoes don't discriminate. There is a shoe for every person in every income bracket. I have cheapo boots from the Giant Tiger that kick-ass and I have $300+ Fluevogs that are like walking on a cloud. I love them equally. Parents don't choose favourites ;).
   
   
8. When said jeans don't fit, wear a skirt and heels and your legs look fabulous.
   
   
9. Shopping for shoes is therapeutic. Why spend $100 to see a psychologist for one hour when you can spend that money on a pair of shoes that will bring you happiness for years to come?
   
   
10. Variety! Stilettos, wedges, flats, heels, slingbacks, espadrilles, flip-flops, platforms, Mary-Janes, sandals, boots, the list goes on!

My Baba always told me that if I was going to spend money on anything, to spend it on a really good pair of shoes. Thanks, Baba <3.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Half of my shoe closet (used to be a front hall closet for coats).

Hungry Eyes

Have you ever had one of those days when you just can't seem to eat enough? When nothing you munch on seems to satisfy your hunger? That was my Monday. It was one of those days where I feared that the light in the fridge was going to give me a tan because I spent half the day standing there with the door open. And let's be honest, it's not like the fridge is going to restock itself and surprise me with a treat that wasn't there when I checked it 15 minutes ago.

Now let's get one thing straight. Yes, I am a girl but, unlike a lot of girls nowadays, I like to eat. I REALLY like to eat. If I could get paid to eat...I would be very wealthy. I've been known to polish off 2 steaks (and all the fixings) in one sitting. I've also been known to eat until I am rolling around on the floor in agony because I ate too much (agony and bliss are one and the same, right?). What can I say? I. LOVE. FOOD. I think food is one of the greatest joys in life. I get so pissed off at these celebrities who subsist on lettuce and seeds. If I had unlimited funds and time and access like they do? Let me tell you...I would be eating a hell of a lot more than rabbit food and bird seed. Hear that Angelina?

Lately, there seems to be a surge of people getting their stomachs stapled or a lapband put on. I would like the opposite, please. I don't want my stomach clamped. I want an expander put in it so I can eat more! My eyes are WAY bigger than my stomach and it sucks (and contrary to popular belief...we do not, in-fact, eat with our eyes first). I would have thought after this many years of stuffing my face that my tummy would have just naturally expanded (well, it did...unfortunately on the outside instead of the inside). Sigh.

I guess I better go. It's 9:30pm and there are at least 3 more snacks to prepare tonight. I should also go and check the fridge...just in case I missed something the last 25 times I checked it.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Welcome to My Nightmare

I woke up this morning and, as always, “reviewed” last night's dreams. I have extremely vivid, detailed dreams and always remember every last detail. Always. Sometimes this is a good thing (when I am a rockstar wife). More often than not, a bad thing (when I give birth to a kitten and the umbilical cord is coming out of my mouth and I am pleading with the nurse to cut it because “it doesn't look good”). Then there are the dreams that verge on interfering with real life.

As of late I have been dreaming about a variety of guys I have liked in the past. I have no idea why. It's not like I am still hooked on any of them. In most cases I wouldn't touch any of them with a 10 foot pole and in the very special cases, I think I need to seriously reevaluate my standards *insert dry heave here*. The problem with these dreams is that I usually wake up and feel like I LIKE these jokers again. I sure as hell wouldn't act on it but it's like I wake up with a ridiculous teenage crush. WTF? What is this? I know I have been single for a very, very.....very long time but Jesus...is my subconscious telling me that I have to recycle? Because that ain't gonna happen. I'd rather end up a glitter covered spinster with a flask in her housecoat pocket who drones on about how cool she used to be “back in ____(insert year here)”.

I wish we had the ability to turn the dream channel if we don't like what is floating around in our heads. I mean, I often wake up a few times a night but nine times out of ten, when I fall back asleep, my dream picks up where it left off. I know a lot of people would probably love to have this “gift” but it is REALLY annoying...especially when I am making-out with some mullet-sporting, skin tight jeans wearing yahoo from 1989. Trust me, if I could regift this ability to someone else...God dammit I would.

Anyway, this is what is going on in my head at the moment. I look so forward to hittin' the hay tonight *rolling eyes*. I swear...a lobotomy is looking more and more tempting all the time.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Welcome to my nightmare.

Hey, FREAK!

Callie: Auntie? Why are you the only white one in the family when the rest of us are skin colour?

Me: Because I don't go in the sun...I don't want wrinkles.

Callie: Well I go in the sun and I don't have wrinkles.

Me: Callie, you are SIX.

The above is a conversation I had with my beloved niece a couple of weeks ago. She is right. I have the whitest skin in my family. Hell, I may have the whitest skin in Saskatoon! This isn't anything new. The last time I had a tan was when I was 14 years old. I believe that tan came from skipping class to hangout on the front steps of my high school and smoke (sorry, Mom).

I've been given many a nickname over the years because of my pale skin. I've been called pretty things like Snow White and China Doll and not so pretty things like Casper, Powder (from the movie about the albino boy with super-powers) and the Grim Reaper. I've had people ask me if I am wearing white pantyhose and tell me that the glare off my legs is blinding them (put on some fucking shades then).

Why have I kept my skin lily-white for so many years when it causes such a reaction? It started quite innocently, really. I mean I was a normal child, relatively speaking. My siblings and I spent our childhood outside, playing in the sun, and I loved every minute of it. It all changed though when I was 15. My family and I went to Vancouver to visit relatives. My cousin Susan (whose family we stayed with) and I lived and breathed music. While I was there she turned me on to an industrial Vancouver band called Skinny Puppy. I fell in love with them instantly. I guess to describe them to you I would have to say they had a “goth” look (though this term wasn't coined until many years later). This introduction had a profound effect on my life.

While in Vancouver, we went down to Granville Street to shop. Back then, Granville was a haven for punk rockers. Susan and I would sit there in absolute awe of these people. I was especially affected as I was always very taken with anything outside of the norm (hey baby...I was BORN this way!). As we were hanging out and acting like the uber-cool 15 year old girls that we were, 2 members of Skinny Puppy walked by. As you can imagine, we lost our fucking minds. These guys were coolness personified. That was IT. I was “becoming” punk as soon as humanly possible.

Susan and I after shopping on Granville Street.

My transformation didn't happen until we got home from Van. I had to do it in stages so as not to alarm the parental units. I got my hair cut shorter...and shorter. My sister then dyed it black (what a mess!) and I spiked it up using what was probably a full bottle of “Finesse” hairspray. Next, I took some white Halloween make-up and mixed it with my foundation so I could make my face as white as possible. I drew on the blackest of black liquid eyeliner and tinged my red lipstick, black. My transformation was at last complete!

Transformation, complete.

I'd always enjoyed getting attention (shocking, I know) and the attention I drew looking like this was something I had never dreamed of. I would walk down the street and people would stare. They would roll down their car windows and yell, “FREAK”. I. LOVED. IT. I loved looking different. Being different. Walking to the beat of a different drummer!

Many years have passed but my skin is still the same colour it was when I was that little 15 year old punk chick. I still like being different, and still (definitely) walk to the beat of a different drummer. Society dictates that tanned skin represents everything from being healthy to being sexy. I wholeheartedly disagree. I am proud that I have never succumbed to society's standards of what is considered “beautiful”. I take pride in being different...even if some people think I am weird or are disgusted by my lily-white legs. Last but not least, I am thrilled that at the age of 40, I have nary a line or wrinkle on my face. This is the little bonus of avoiding the sun that I didn't really think about until I was older. All the years of teasing and name calling I endured were worth it. This pale skinned freak is gonna have the last laugh!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

If Y'all Are Gonna Bitch..So Am I!

Everybody seems so bitchy because of the weather lately. So, in keeping with the theme of bitchiness, I thought today would be a good day for one of my rants. Here goes:

1. Toddlers and Tiaras. This is a show on TLC about the world of child beauty pageants. I am not a regular viewer but have tuned in a couple of times (hard to look away from a train-wreck). This show is every bit as terrifying as the 'Saw' horror movie franchise. These kids, no, demons, scare the shit out of me with their spray tans, fake teeth and caked on make-up. Why is this acceptable? Society is going straight to hell.

2. Home parties. No, I don't mean house parties. I mean Tupperware, Mary Kay, Partylite, etc. Is that the way it works now? In order to spend time with friends we have to fork out $100 on products we don't need? We have to sit through an endless “presentation” on how to apply moisturizer? Or a demonstration of the “patented Tupperware burping seal”? I'm sorry. If you invite me to one of these “parties” you better have a bottle of wine with a giant straw in it for me. Oh and PS. I'm not buying anything.

3. Jars. Why the HELL is it so hard to open a bloody jar of ANYTHING? Is it to make me, as a single woman, no...make that chick (I'm not a girl, not yet a woman), feel, yet again, that my life is meaningless without a man? Dear Tostitos: I am eating your nacho cheese and bag of tortilla chips in lieu of having a boyfriend. Please, I beg you, give a single girl a break and make your damn jars easier to open. I really need a snack after I drink my bottle of wine. 

4. Grocery carts for kids. Is this really necessary? I was at Sobeys the other day and was attempting to turn into an aisle only to find it blocked by a mother and 3 kids...ALL with kids sized carts. Really? ALL of your kids need carts in the grocery store at 5pm? Really? If I wasn't medicated I swear I would have smashed into them like a bowling ball crashing into pins. Don't get me wrong, you all know how much I love my niece but there are some things that I really don't think are necessary for kids. This is one of them. When people are at the grocery store, they aren't there to dilly-dally. They are typically in a rush and just want to grab their shit and get the f**k out.

5. TV shows that go on hiatus for what seems like forever. This past fall I became quite intrigued with “The Walking Dead” (shock, shock). It is a drama about a group of survivors in a world overrun by Zombies. The first season only consisted of 6, edge of your seat, nail-biting episodes. Now, it is on hiatus for who knows how long. I fear the predicted Zombie Apocalypse of December 22, 2012, will happen before this show returns. Tip: Zombies can be killed with a bullet or blow to the head. FYI.

6.  Repeated Facebook friend requests. Someone please tell me how any SANE person can send multiple friend request after being denied several times. Who ARE these people? I've had one person request me 8, yes 8, times. Um, not only do I not want to be your friend because I DON'T KNOW YOU but you now have me thinking, in typical paranoid Stacey fashion, that you are stalking me. I swear, when request 10 comes, and it will, I am getting a restraining order. FREAK.

7. Weather. People bitching about the weather lately is driving me NUTS. If you don't like it, if it is too cold...MOVE. Do you suffer from some sort of memory loss? We get winter every year here. Understand? EVERY SINGLE YEAR. And while I am on the topic of weather...it is called SNOW...not "the white stuff". Frick.

8. Cocktails that consist of ¾ ice. When I order a Caesar, I do not want a glass of ice with a splash of Clamato. If that is what you are going to serve me, it had better be no-charge. Last time I checked ice and water were still free (though I am sure those days are numbered). Oh and speaking of Caesars, the celery isn't supposed to flop over the edge of the glass. Don't give me wilty celery or I swear I will beat you with it.

9. Inconsiderate people. I am sure this will be an ongoing feature. Today though, I want to talk about people who doddle when making appointments. For example: I went for a pedicure not long ago. I noticed my esthetician come out of her room with the client before me. This person wanted to book another appointment (my esthetican books her own appointments). Okay, fine, no big deal. Well, after humming and hawing for 10 minutes about when was convenient and what services she should book, I was ready to lose my fucking mind. Seriously, if you are unsure of your availability and/or what services you want to book, please just go home and phone back later. People have schedules. That is why we book appointments. Assholes.

10. Dairy Queen commercials with those stupid, talking, red lips. Enough said.

Well kids, that is it for today. Golden Girls is coming on. Gotta run!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo