So I went to the Zellers last night out of boredom. It used to be a Walmart but after Walmart moved to Stonehenge, Zellers took over. I often go to Zellers because they have really cheap, funky costume jewellery (bought a kick-ass ring for $3!) and an awesome Rubbermaid selection (I love organizing stuff and putting it in containers...um...yeah).
I encountered some weirdo people there last night. First and foremost, the swearing guy in the men's underwear department. You may be asking yourself what I was doing in the men's underwear department. Well, I like to look at the pictures on the packages of underwear. HA...kidding (?). I was looking for some cheapo, packaged v-neck t-shirts to wear to the gym. Anyway, Zellers is typically VERY unorganized so I was in that section for awhile. There was also a 20-something guy in that section at the same time. I don't know WTF was going on with this guy but he would randomly start swearing every couple of minutes (and I'm certain it wasn't Tourette's). I avoided making eye contact in case he was about to go postal (if I'm going to be held hostage I want it to be somewhere a lot cooler than Zellers). Not sure if he couldn't find his size, colour, style. Maybe he was wanting a gold g-string or zebra print manties and discovered that Zellers isn't quite that risque. Whatever it was....WEIRD.
I then headed to my beloved jewellery section. There is always a ton of shit on sale and thrown into bins. While I was going through the ring bin, a sales associate started hovering around me. It didn't matter if I moved 3 feet to the left or to the right, she was there. She was looking at me like I was a 16 year old attempting to steal condoms. Seriously, what the hell?
I ended up having to make 2 separate purchases due to my age-related failing memory. When I was paying for my first batch of stuff, the woman in front of me discovered her HBC Rewards card was not working. After the cashier explained it to her I started telling her about how the same thing randomly happened to my card at the Bay and how it was such a pain, blah, blah, blah. The woman stood there and stared at me. Didn't say a word, just stared at me. It. Was. Awkward. Perhaps she was under the impression that most teenagers are little assholes and was shocked that one was actually talking to her? I dunno. People are fucked.
Next up I thought I would venture into Circle Mall. Bad idea. The guy at the flat-iron kiosk started chasing me. Listen BUD...first of all, my hair is board straight and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't get it straightened by some random yahoo in the middle of the freakin' MALL. Beat it!
I figured I needed some refuge and strolled into the record store (do people still call them “record” stores?). There were GIANT yellow signs that said, “Blow-out sale. Everything in store 30% off. All inventory must go”. So, I assumed it was a closing out sale. I asked the 'I'm too cool to talk to you' sales clerk when the store was closing and he said it wasn't. Ohhhh...it's a secret then? Well the blaring yellow and black signs you have plastered on every square inch of the store and fact that I couldn't even find an Eminem CD may give that secret away, FYI (I've since Googled and apparently CD Plus is in fact closing). Record store excursion=Fail.
At this point I'd had enough of the mall and went back to Zellers as that is where I had parked. I remembered that I forgot to buy tinfoil and dish soap. I went to the soap section and the soap I wanted was too high for me to reach. I had to stand on the bottom shelf and then use another bottle of soap to try move the one I wanted closer to me so I could grab it. Several people taller than 5 foot fucking 3 (rounded up from 5'2 3/4 ) walked by but could ONE offer to help me? FML.
After that...I was DONE. There are some days when going to the mall is not a very good idea. This was clearly one of those days. I shoulda got outta dodge after witnessing the freak out in the underwear department. I also should have stayed home and watched Jersey Shore. Even THAT would have been less painful.
If you go out shopping this weekend...take my advice and avoid the men's underwear department. Oh and if you see a flat-iron kiosk...run like hell.
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
