So because I am the eternal single girl, I have been around A LOT of friends and their boyfriends. I can honestly say, witnessing some of these relationships has been one hell of an eye opener. I definitely know the qualities I want and the ones I don't. I also know that if I end up single forever...that is perfectly fine by me.
Over the years I have lost friends because of their boyfriends. They either “weren't allowed” to keep their friends, ditched their friends because they had to spend every waking moment with “him” or their boyfriends did not like me (and God forbid these girls make their own decisions). There have been instances where my friend's boyfriends did not want them going out with me because I was deemed a “troublemaker”. And for the sole reason that I was single. I mean really? I didn't realize that “single” was code for “moral deviant”.
There have also been a few cases where my female friendship ended but I later on renewed a friendship with the ex-boyfriend. I have a few male friends who at one time dated girlfriends of mine. Quite often I become friends with the ex-boyfriends NEW girlfriends! And hey...why not? What an antiquated notion it is that we have to base OUR friendships on the success or failure of OTHER relationships. I've about had it with the “pack mentality”. I will be friends with whomever I please. And unless there is real cause to no longer talk to a friend's ex, I will remain friends with him. Who “wrote” these “unwritten rules” that state when 2 people break up we have to choose sides? Bull shit. It is my experience that the male friendships will outlast the female ones anyway (though I've had a stupid number of shitty girlfriends).
I have also had friends whose dates I can't fucking stand. Whether it is because they treat my friends poorly, I see warning flags popping up, we butt heads or, plain and simple, I don't think they are good enough/classy enough/smart enough/kind enough...etc, etc. This can make things rather difficult. Sometimes it is best to just agree not to discuss the boyfriend (in essence pretend he doesn't exist). Other times the friendship will eventually fizzle out because of it (if that is the case, trust me, the friendship was never real and odds are that relationship won't last either).
From the time we start “liking” boys, in grade 6 or 7 (probably younger now), our relationships with our girlfriends inevitably change. Forever. Priorities shift. Conflicts arise. Friendships suffer. I know it is all part of life and there are some schools of thought who believe we are put on this earth for one reason...to find a life partner and procreate. I, however, beg to differ. I believe we are here to learn from every experience and relationship we have. Whether it is with significant others or friends. What we need to do is start making everyone in our lives a priority. All of our relationships should be of equal importance. And WE should choose who we want in OUR lives. That friendship you end on account of someone else may have been one of the best friends you never had.
And finally, I don't know where this blog came from. I guess I have been thinking about the past a lot lately. NEVER a good thing for me. It is my hope that by purging some of these thoughts publicly, I will finally be able to put these issues to rest. For good. Stay tuned for my blog on friendship. With everything I have gone through with “friends”, I promise it will be a doosy.
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
