I turned 40 this year. I still nearly barf every time I say it out loud. Saying “40” is by far worse than spewing any expletive out there. And here's the kicker, folks. Not only am I 40...I am SINGLE and 40. You know what that means. Yup, I am officially a spinster. An old maid. A creepy cat lady.
Now it's not that I'm not in good company being a spinster. Bridget Jones was one (well for awhile anyway). Greta Garbo, Jane Austen and Emily Dickinson were all considered to be spinsters. Those are some pretty impressive women to share a title with. On the flip-side though, Lizzie Borden was an infamous old maid. Yeah, that's who I want to be lumped in with. A hatchet wielding, parent-butchering murderer. There is always one bad apple that spoils it for the bunch. Damn you, Lizzie.
I suppose I've really always been considered a spinster of sorts. I've never had much luck with men and dating. I'm the girl who gets broken up with on the phone to the tune of “New Girl Now” by Honeymoon Suite (true story). I'm the girl who gets cheated on and passed over for a blonde friend. And I can't tell you how many times I have “liked” someone, mustered the courage to talk to them only to have them ask me 20 questions about the friend I am with. Go talk to her yourself, asshole.
At this point, I've kind of accepted my fate. Not to mention I am so set in my ways now that I can't fathom living with someone (besides a cat...or 2...or 3). The mere thought of dirty socks strewn about or the toilet seat left up sends me into a near Lizzie Borden-style rage. And hey, is it really so bad to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want? To not have to answer to anyone...ever? I see what some of my friends go through with their significant others and let me tell ya, I'm starting to think that I am a bloody genius for staying single for so long.
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| Spinster Sook |
So, let me be your 3rd wheel. Set a place for me at the singles table. And pick out my bridesmaid dress. This girl is a spinster and proud of it! My only regret is that I am going to miss out on engagement gifts, shower gifts, and wedding gifts. On second thought...my new cat arrives on May 3. Your invitation to my baby shower is in the mail.
At least you love me,
Stacey xo
