It's no secret that I have had a pretty shitty year (well, 2 actually). I am typically one that likes (?) to dwell on stuff so I thought I would do the opposite for a change. Kinda like how George Costanza went against every natural instinct on Seinfeld in one memorable episode. So, with that being said, I am going to list 5 GOOD things that happened in 2011...if I can think of 5, that is (insert Debbie Downer comments here).
"Every decision I have ever made in my entire life, has been wrong.
My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be.
Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, is it something to wear,
something to eat, it’s all been wrong" - George Costanza
1. I successfully won my battle against depression. That is not to say that my demons don't occasionally latch onto my legs in an attempt to pull me down. But, I am now strong enough to let them briefly think they are winning and then kick the shit out of them. I am now able to put things into perspective and move on. I am no longer crazy irrational and I can now deal with things head-on. These may seem like “normal” every day things for everyone else but for me, it is huge.
2. This may sound like an odd one for someone who is pushing 41 but I renewed my mortgage all by myself, without my parents input. I've led a somewhat sheltered/protected life and most major decisions are made with the help of my Mom and Dad. This was a big step for me and made me feel like a real, actual, grown-up for the first time in my life.
3. I adopted my first child. I've had cats since birth and they have played different roles in my life. Our first family cat,Taffy, was my protector, my little Mama, guarding my crib and always making sure I was okay. When Taffy passed we got Frankie. Frankie was my sibling. We had a love/hate relationship like most sibs do. When Frankie died in 2008, my folks didn't get another cat. This past May, after a 9 month search, I adopted Roo. Roo is my daughter. She is what I have needed for a very long time. She is the light of my life. As crazy as it sounds, she gives me purpose. Which I desperately needed.
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| My little Roo. |
4. This is a pretty big one. One that I have regretted at times but deep down know was the right decision. I resigned from my job of almost 9 years. I am thankful that I had this job as it changed my life in many ways from being able to buy my condo to making some pretty amazing friends that I can't imagine my life without. But, this job also caused me to spiral into a year long depression that turned my whole world upside down. Seeing how I am supposed to be “positive” in this post, that had a silver lining too. It made me face some longstanding issues and get healthy...really healthy, for the first time in my life. As traumatic as the end of my time at this job was, it did change my life for the better and for that I have to be thankful.
5. And finally, what may be the most important one of all...I now know I am never alone. I mean, I never really was alone but a lot of the time I twisted my reality to make myself feel alone. I have the most supportive family in the world who accept me AND all my faults. I also now have a stable group of friends who do the same. Friends who have never once abandoned me (like a few others did) during this stressful time. I can honestly say I have put a lot of people close to me through hell the last year or so. I can also say that they have all stuck by me, been honest with me and supported me when I needed it the most. I will never, ever forget what these people did for me. They saved me from myself.
I'm not going to lie...going into the New Year scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified of what it holds or, does not hold. But I also know that the five things I have listed here have changed my life for the better and have armed me to go forward into 2012 with the most positive attitude I have ever had. And that, my friends, is huge.
I hope your 2012 is filled with health, happiness, friends, family and wine.
You know you love me,
Stacey-Version 2.0 xo
