Why? Because I CHOOSE To Be!

I am often asked why I am “still single”. The answer: Because I choose to be. There are a couple of other deeply personal reasons (which believe it or not I won’t share) but for the most part, it really is by choice. I remember in childhood a friend once predicted I would never marry and would eventually become a glamorously eccentric woman. Wow. I wonder if this friend has set up shop as a psychic advisor because she hit the nail on the head with this 1981 prediction!

I’ve mentioned before how I feel like I was born 10 years too soon or that I am 10 years too old. When I look back it becomes more and more clear. In my pre-teen years of elementary school I was clearly not ready for boys when all my friends were. It was the forceful hand of peer pressure that put my Barbie’s in the “tickle trunk” for the last time and scolded me for still wanting to “play”. Don’t get me wrong, I was boy crazy like every other 13 year old girl, but my boys took the form of posters on my wall and resided in the pages of Star Hits magazine.

My beloved Barbie's

I remember going to a hockey dance in grade 9. It was great fun up until the end when my friends wanted to leave with some older boys (older being 16!). I did not want to go. I was scared and uncomfortable and just wanted to go home. After being called a little baby and being told to grow-up, I ended up being driven home by whomever it was that was picking us up, while my friends did in fact leave with the boys.

For the rest of high school I tried to be a “normal” teen girl but it never seemed to matter who I had a crush on, I was always passed up for my friends. I was always too flat, too pale, too weird or too “not blonde” (and it seems to me there were a lot of blonde girls in my school). I guess this just added to my insecurities and unwillingness to put myself out there.

Me in Grade 10

 Fast forward to my 20’s when most of my friends were embarking on long-term relationships. My relationship was with a tall, dark and handsome drink of “water” called Budweiser. I was still just not ready to date anyone and was far more interested in going to the bar and partying like a rockstar. During this time, I did have a couple of pretty amazing guys show interest in me but I was far too immature to react properly and because of my high school dating record (or lack thereof) I had no idea how dating or relationships worked. Because of my immaturity at the time, I did break a couple of hearts. I can now say for certain it was because my emotional age was much younger than my chronological age.

I did date a little in my 30’s but I wonder if it is because I really wanted to, or because I felt that I had to. The question of why I was “still” single was being asked more frequently and friends were getting married and having kids (not necessarily in that order). I guess I felt forced to submit to so-called social norms. Peer pressure had its ugly grip on me yet again. But, after a couple of terrible experiences I resigned myself to the fact that maybe coupledom just wasn’t for me. I am okay with it but it seems a lot of people aren’t. Maybe one day things will change. Maybe it is true that I haven’t met that “special someone” yet .But for now, I am still that weird, pale, non-blonde and that is just fine by me. And hey, the word spinster exists for a reason and I just happen to be the coolest one out there. 

....and perfectly okay with it!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo