Now that summer is upon us, there is endless talk about the lake. It drives me nuts. I am not a lake girl. Never have been. Never will be. The thought of going to the lake makes sick. I don't understand the fascination with “roughing it” or “being at one with nature”. If I feel the need to be at one with nature I will watch the Discovery Channel.
I went to the lake once during high school. It was my first trip with friends. It sounded like a great idea at the time. We loaded up the cars with beer and snacks. Packed the ghetto blaster and our favourite tapes. How could it be bad? We got to the lake (which one escapes me) at about 8:00 Friday night. We set up (read: they set up), drank some beer, listened to tunes and hung out with the boys staying at the campsite next to us. So far, so good! And then morning came. I woke up at the crack of dawn sweating half to death. It was hot and stuffy. I couldn't STAND IT. Along with the rising sun came a harsh reality...I was hours from home and absolutely despised camping. There was no way in HELL I could spend 3 days living like this. Luckily I was able to convince (perhaps it was beg) a friend to drive me home. My camping experience lasted approximately 12 hours. Twelve hours I will never get back.
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| This hangs from my rear-view mirror. Says it all! |
I can't for the life of me figure out what is “fun” about sleeping outside in a tent? It's like a suffocation chamber (though it may be good for weight loss with all the sauna-like sweating one does). And does no-one realize what the actual lake really is? It's a giant toilet for animals (and some people). Last time I checked lakes were not chlorinated so y'all are swimming in urine. Many, many kinds of urine. Oh and how about the communal bathrooms? Not only are they filthy, but they smell like an outhouse. Or is that part of the “charm”? And do I even need to mention it is nearly impossible to put make-up on in the dirty, cracked bathroom mirrors. Where the hell is one supposed to get ready? In the TENT? Not bloody likely.
I don't give a shit who goes to the lake but please, don't tell me about it or try convince me how relaxing it is. I don't care and I don't believe you. If I have to spend my summers alone because everyone I know is gone to the lake, so be it. I'll take my air-conditioned condo over a sweltering, bug infested tent any day. And PS: A cabin with all of the comforts of home does not make it more inviting. At the end of the day, you are still swimming in piss.
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
