Everybody seems so bitchy because of the weather lately. So, in keeping with the theme of bitchiness, I thought today would be a good day for one of my rants. Here goes:
1. Toddlers and Tiaras. This is a show on TLC about the world of child beauty pageants. I am not a regular viewer but have tuned in a couple of times (hard to look away from a train-wreck). This show is every bit as terrifying as the 'Saw' horror movie franchise. These kids, no, demons, scare the shit out of me with their spray tans, fake teeth and caked on make-up. Why is this acceptable? Society is going straight to hell.
2. Home parties. No, I don't mean house parties. I mean Tupperware, Mary Kay, Partylite, etc. Is that the way it works now? In order to spend time with friends we have to fork out $100 on products we don't need? We have to sit through an endless “presentation” on how to apply moisturizer? Or a demonstration of the “patented Tupperware burping seal”? I'm sorry. If you invite me to one of these “parties” you better have a bottle of wine with a giant straw in it for me. Oh and PS. I'm not buying anything.
3. Jars. Why the HELL is it so hard to open a bloody jar of ANYTHING? Is it to make me, as a single woman, no...make that chick (I'm not a girl, not yet a woman), feel, yet again, that my life is meaningless without a man? Dear Tostitos: I am eating your nacho cheese and bag of tortilla chips in lieu of having a boyfriend. Please, I beg you, give a single girl a break and make your damn jars easier to open. I really need a snack after I drink my bottle of wine.
2. Home parties. No, I don't mean house parties. I mean Tupperware, Mary Kay, Partylite, etc. Is that the way it works now? In order to spend time with friends we have to fork out $100 on products we don't need? We have to sit through an endless “presentation” on how to apply moisturizer? Or a demonstration of the “patented Tupperware burping seal”? I'm sorry. If you invite me to one of these “parties” you better have a bottle of wine with a giant straw in it for me. Oh and PS. I'm not buying anything.
3. Jars. Why the HELL is it so hard to open a bloody jar of ANYTHING? Is it to make me, as a single woman, no...make that chick (I'm not a girl, not yet a woman), feel, yet again, that my life is meaningless without a man? Dear Tostitos: I am eating your nacho cheese and bag of tortilla chips in lieu of having a boyfriend. Please, I beg you, give a single girl a break and make your damn jars easier to open. I really need a snack after I drink my bottle of wine.
4. Grocery carts for kids. Is this really necessary? I was at Sobeys the other day and was attempting to turn into an aisle only to find it blocked by a mother and 3 kids...ALL with kids sized carts. Really? ALL of your kids need carts in the grocery store at 5pm? Really? If I wasn't medicated I swear I would have smashed into them like a bowling ball crashing into pins. Don't get me wrong, you all know how much I love my niece but there are some things that I really don't think are necessary for kids. This is one of them. When people are at the grocery store, they aren't there to dilly-dally. They are typically in a rush and just want to grab their shit and get the f**k out.
5. TV shows that go on hiatus for what seems like forever. This past fall I became quite intrigued with “The Walking Dead” (shock, shock). It is a drama about a group of survivors in a world overrun by Zombies. The first season only consisted of 6, edge of your seat, nail-biting episodes. Now, it is on hiatus for who knows how long. I fear the predicted Zombie Apocalypse of December 22, 2012, will happen before this show returns. Tip: Zombies can be killed with a bullet or blow to the head. FYI.
6. Repeated Facebook friend requests. Someone please tell me how any SANE person can send multiple friend request after being denied several times. Who ARE these people? I've had one person request me 8, yes 8, times. Um, not only do I not want to be your friend because I DON'T KNOW YOU but you now have me thinking, in typical paranoid Stacey fashion, that you are stalking me. I swear, when request 10 comes, and it will, I am getting a restraining order. FREAK.
7. Weather. People bitching about the weather lately is driving me NUTS. If you don't like it, if it is too cold...MOVE. Do you suffer from some sort of memory loss? We get winter every year here. Understand? EVERY SINGLE YEAR. And while I am on the topic of weather...it is called SNOW...not "the white stuff". Frick.
8. Cocktails that consist of ¾ ice. When I order a Caesar, I do not want a glass of ice with a splash of Clamato. If that is what you are going to serve me, it had better be no-charge. Last time I checked ice and water were still free (though I am sure those days are numbered). Oh and speaking of Caesars, the celery isn't supposed to flop over the edge of the glass. Don't give me wilty celery or I swear I will beat you with it.
9. Inconsiderate people. I am sure this will be an ongoing feature. Today though, I want to talk about people who doddle when making appointments. For example: I went for a pedicure not long ago. I noticed my esthetician come out of her room with the client before me. This person wanted to book another appointment (my esthetican books her own appointments). Okay, fine, no big deal. Well, after humming and hawing for 10 minutes about when was convenient and what services she should book, I was ready to lose my fucking mind. Seriously, if you are unsure of your availability and/or what services you want to book, please just go home and phone back later. People have schedules. That is why we book appointments. Assholes.
10. Dairy Queen commercials with those stupid, talking, red lips. Enough said.
Well kids, that is it for today. Golden Girls is coming on. Gotta run!
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
