Callie: Auntie? Why are you the only white one in the family when the rest of us are skin colour?
Me: Because I don't go in the sun...I don't want wrinkles.
Callie: Well I go in the sun and I don't have wrinkles.
Me: Callie, you are SIX.
The above is a conversation I had with my beloved niece a couple of weeks ago. She is right. I have the whitest skin in my family. Hell, I may have the whitest skin in Saskatoon! This isn't anything new. The last time I had a tan was when I was 14 years old. I believe that tan came from skipping class to hangout on the front steps of my high school and smoke (sorry, Mom).
I've been given many a nickname over the years because of my pale skin. I've been called pretty things like Snow White and China Doll and not so pretty things like Casper, Powder (from the movie about the albino boy with super-powers) and the Grim Reaper. I've had people ask me if I am wearing white pantyhose and tell me that the glare off my legs is blinding them (put on some fucking shades then).
Why have I kept my skin lily-white for so many years when it causes such a reaction? It started quite innocently, really. I mean I was a normal child, relatively speaking. My siblings and I spent our childhood outside, playing in the sun, and I loved every minute of it. It all changed though when I was 15. My family and I went to Vancouver to visit relatives. My cousin Susan (whose family we stayed with) and I lived and breathed music. While I was there she turned me on to an industrial Vancouver band called Skinny Puppy. I fell in love with them instantly. I guess to describe them to you I would have to say they had a “goth” look (though this term wasn't coined until many years later). This introduction had a profound effect on my life.
While in Vancouver, we went down to Granville Street to shop. Back then, Granville was a haven for punk rockers. Susan and I would sit there in absolute awe of these people. I was especially affected as I was always very taken with anything outside of the norm (hey baby...I was BORN this way!). As we were hanging out and acting like the uber-cool 15 year old girls that we were, 2 members of Skinny Puppy walked by. As you can imagine, we lost our fucking minds. These guys were coolness personified. That was IT. I was “becoming” punk as soon as humanly possible.
Susan and I after shopping on Granville Street.
My transformation didn't happen until we got home from Van. I had to do it in stages so as not to alarm the parental units. I got my hair cut shorter...and shorter. My sister then dyed it black (what a mess!) and I spiked it up using what was probably a full bottle of “Finesse” hairspray. Next, I took some white Halloween make-up and mixed it with my foundation so I could make my face as white as possible. I drew on the blackest of black liquid eyeliner and tinged my red lipstick, black. My transformation was at last complete!
Transformation, complete.
I'd always enjoyed getting attention (shocking, I know) and the attention I drew looking like this was something I had never dreamed of. I would walk down the street and people would stare. They would roll down their car windows and yell, “FREAK”. I. LOVED. IT. I loved looking different. Being different. Walking to the beat of a different drummer!
Many years have passed but my skin is still the same colour it was when I was that little 15 year old punk chick. I still like being different, and still (definitely) walk to the beat of a different drummer. Society dictates that tanned skin represents everything from being healthy to being sexy. I wholeheartedly disagree. I am proud that I have never succumbed to society's standards of what is considered “beautiful”. I take pride in being different...even if some people think I am weird or are disgusted by my lily-white legs. Last but not least, I am thrilled that at the age of 40, I have nary a line or wrinkle on my face. This is the little bonus of avoiding the sun that I didn't really think about until I was older. All the years of teasing and name calling I endured were worth it. This pale skinned freak is gonna have the last laugh!
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
