I am not one to keep a whole lot to myself. As y'all know, I am somewhat of an open book. When I started writing this blog it was my goal to be honest and truthful. No bull shit. I've been told on countless occasions that I say what other people only think or feel. As you may also know, my blog posts have ranged from sweet to bitchy and back again. No, I don't have dual personalities, trust me. Read on.
It turns out I have a health issue that I'm certain many women out there will be able to relate to. Hormone deficiancy. My hormones have been wreaking havoc on my life for some time now. When tested, both my estrogen and progesterone are very low. As we all know, messed up hormones can cause a whole SCHWACK of other problems. Here are just a few.
First and foremost, mood. I have said before how life is like a roller coaster. If I am to use another amusement park ride analogy, hormones are like the Zipper. We all remember the Zipper. The carnie locks you in a cage that spins wildly around while the apparatus the cage is attached to also spins furiously. A roller coaster is somewhat predictable, up, down, up, down. The Zipper on the other hand, you have no clue which way it is going to spin, how many times or for how long. This, my friends, is what happens when ones hormones are out of whack. I can be busting with joy one day and the next day plotting my revenge against some unsuspecting sucker. I can have boundless energy one minute and hardly be able to get out of bed the next. Because it is so unpredictable, it makes day to day life ridiculously erratic.
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| The unpredictable Zipper. |
Secondly, hot flashes. Yup, I'm having them. My doctors have assured me I am not having menopause...yet. I have never experienced anything so frustrating in my life. Imagine getting ready for a night out and all of a sudden becoming so hot that you'd swear Global Warming has finally turned Canada into the tropics and no-one told you. Your hair is soaked, your make-up ruined and you feel like you are wearing a wetsuit. And for those who have experienced a hot flash, there ain't nothin' you can do to cool down. It stops when it stops. Even blasting the AC at an arctic temperature for quick relief won't work. Why you ask? Because a hot flash burns from the inside out. It makes me want to drink a bottle of automobile coolant. Hey, if it can cool down the engine of your car, why not the body? Besides that pesky little poison part, it sounds like a great idea.
And then we have night sweats. Ever had 'em? Oh, it's lovely. Nothing like waking up in the middle of the night thinking that you peed your pants. Yup, for real. My body is sweating in places I didn't even know had sweat glands. The calves? Really? You would think that with all this sweating I am doing that I would be losing weight but nooooooooo. Of course not. That brings me to...
Weight gain. Because my hormones are so fucked, I have been on a smorgasbord of medications. Of course the number one side effect of ALL of these meds is weight gain. Seriously. Like I'm not going through enough with the moods and sweating, now I have to deal with weight gain? Are we going to find out one day that being a woman was our punishment for bad behaviour in a previous life?
So, there you have it. THIS is what I am currently dealing with. I think we should ALL be grateful that this spinster is not having kids. Can you imagine the hormone fluctuations I would surely have? Yikes. Scary. On that note, because I was up 8 times last night sweating to death, I am going to go crawl into my deep freeze and take a nap.
You know you love me,
Stacey xo
