The Royal Wedding...Stacey-style

Well...it is 11pm Thursday night. I am attempting to stay up until the BIG WEDDING. Right now it seems like a piece of (wedding) cake. I am half in the bag from my Splurge group get together. I was tonight’s winner and won $330 and 10 bottles of wine. How many bottles of said wine will I have to consume to stay up until 3? Bets? ;)

11:10pm—Dammit...the buzz is wearing off already. Need energy. Time to carb-load.

11:30pm—Just inserted the Pepsi Cola IV. Why is it every other night I am up 'til all hours and tonight, when I NEED to be up and alert I am suddenly tired as fuck?

12:16am—Just grabbed my tiara out of my costume drawer. Realistically, I should be wearing it every day. Why? Because I'm worth it.

12:17:am—Oh my! How did that wine get into my glass?

12:30am—Only 2.5 hours to go! Should I watch the pre-show? Naw...I'll probably throw myself off my balcony if I watch THAT much Royal shitness. A “commoner” such as myself, can only handle so much pomp and circumstance.

12:45am—I have decided I am going to drink a BEER during the ceremony. Why? Because the Queen deems beer to be too low-classy to be served at the reception. Seriously, Liz? Question: At what age do the Royals get the poles shoved up their asses? Do they have a ceremony to commemorate this occasion? Is it possible to get the pole surgically removed?

2:30am—Uh, yeah, just woke up. Had a great “nap”. Did NOT want to get up. This wedding BETTER be good. Must splash cold water on my face to wake up.

2:35am—Oh, there is Princess Diana's brother. Awww. This must be bittersweet for him, and all of her family.

2:37am—Look at the freakin' hats on some of these birds. Clearly she with the biggest hat wins! On a side note...it looks like my black, “Love Kills” heels may not be appropriate.

2:40am—Jesus...some of these Brits outside in the crowd are drunker than I am. Sounds about right. Cheers!

2:45am—Yikes...Ben Mulroney (host of CTV's Etalk)...could ya cake on a lil' more foundation? That be some scary shit.

2:50am—Oh look...it's the Queen! Oh wait...it's just Elton John. My bad.

2:58am—They just announced “we are one hour away”. WTF? You mean I could've slept for another hour? ARGH. Damn it. You know...they couldn't have had the ceremony a couple of hours later so those of us who are dumb enough to get up in the middle of the night to watch could catch a couple more zzzzz's. RUDE, INCONSIDERATE Royal's.

3:05am—You know, there are those out there who are up in arms that this “event” has had too much media coverage. “They” are angry that we are focusing on something so “trivial” when there are more important issues going on in the world. But you know what? Is it so bad that we briefly turn our attention to a joyous occasion for a change? In the grand scheme of things, time-wise, this is just a mere drop in the bucket. Think about it...one third of the PLANET are watching this. What else could possibly unite the world this way? Meh, I guess the haters are always gonna hate.

3:13am—OMG! Prince William has left the building! This bird is literally covered in goosebumps! I am so glad I got up to watch! Ohhhhhhhhh...Hello HOT HARRY...star of tonight's dream merhaps? God DAMN do these boys look smokin'! William is so calm, cool and collected. Harry on the other hand, looks like he is counting down the minutes before he can tie one on.

3:20am—It is really so tragic that Princess Diana isn't here to witness her firstborn son tying the knot. I sincerely hope Kate doesn't fall prey to the vultures that are the paparazzi.

3:30am—There's Posh and Becks! Poor Posh...I bet she is dying inside over the fact that she is pregnant and not her usual size -2. Biggest social event of her life and she has a swollen belly. That poor kid is gonna have to suffer Mommy's wrath for the rest of her (she is reportedly having a girl) life. Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue who refuses to put Posh on the cover) is loving every minute of it, catty bitch that she is. Is Becks wearing eyeliner?

3:32am—Kate's mum looks great. Understated and elegant. Lovely choice of outfit.

3:34am—I can't imagine what Kate is feeling right now. If it was me I would be popping Imodium and doing Jagermeister shots.

3:36am—Here come Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie. Princess Eugenie's hat is SO fashion forward. Very Gaga! Kudos, girl! How awkward it must feel though, that their mom, Sarah Ferguson, is blacklisted. She got what she paid for though. Considering she tried to SELL media access to Prince Andrew, she is lucky she wasn't beheaded in the town square.

3:40am—There goes Charles and his horse. Oh wait...that's Camilla Parker-Bowles. Ooops.

3:41am—I am in LOVE with all of these crazy hats!

3:42am—Okay, you have to admit...Queen Elizabeth looks remarkable for 85. I swear she hasn't aged in 20 years. It's crazy to think her coronation was at the age young age of 25. I wonder if she ever cuts loose? You know, gets tipsy and dances around with a lampshade on her head? Oh to be a fly on the wall at Buckingham Palace! Holy crap! Prince Philip is 90? Wow...he's a spry old fucker!

3:51am—OMG!!! It's Kate! Finally! She looks breathtaking. Like a Barbie. Her make-up is perfect. She is so confident. So self-assured. So relaxed. She was definitely born to be. This is SO EXCITING!!! I can't WAIT to see the whole dress! History in the making, folks. I am BUSTING!...and suddenly longing to get married.

4:01am—Kate is exiting the car. Awww...she is absolutely beautiful. I wonder how her sister, Pippa, is really feeling right now as she carries the train of Kate's dress (which is from the fashion house of Alexander McQueen, who tragically took his own life last year).

4:04am—Ohhhhhh...there's HOT HARRY again....drooooool. Love the perpetual smirk on his face.

4:05am—This is truly straight out of a Disney fairytale.

4:08am—They are both at the alter now....smiling and whispering away. I wonder what they are saying?

4:10am—Missing my Grandma Sook right now. She would have loved this.

Pausing to watch....

4:16am—I LOVE how Kate's dad put her hand into William's hand. So symbolic and touching. Who am I? Why am I so sappy right now? Snap out of it Sook! Jesus...now I'm crying? I'm gonna have to throw on some Manson after this and try bring myself back to reality.

4:18am—The priest has a very Star Wars-esque voice. I'm not even minding all of the God bullshit he is spewing (don't worry...this will be short-lived).

4:30am—It's official. Please give it up for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!

Well kids, daylight is drawing near and it is time I bid adieu. The choir is seemingly never going to stop singing and I am exhausted (and perhaps a little hungover). I truly enjoyed every minute of this spectacular event and really do believe that this marriage will go the distance. We witnessed history today. I only wish the wedding would have been at a time when it could preempt the NHL playoffs!

Good night to all, and to all a good night...er...morning.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Yeah, I'm a Spinster. Jealous?

I turned 40 this year. I still nearly barf every time I say it out loud. Saying “40” is by far worse than spewing any expletive out there. And here's the kicker, folks. Not only am I 40...I am SINGLE and 40. You know what that means. Yup, I am officially a spinster. An old maid. A creepy cat lady.

Now it's not that I'm not in good company being a spinster. Bridget Jones was one (well for awhile anyway). Greta Garbo, Jane Austen and Emily Dickinson were all considered to be spinsters. Those are some pretty impressive women to share a title with. On the flip-side though, Lizzie Borden was an infamous old maid. Yeah, that's who I want to be lumped in with. A hatchet wielding, parent-butchering murderer. There is always one bad apple that spoils it for the bunch. Damn you, Lizzie.

I suppose I've really always been considered a spinster of sorts. I've never had much luck with men and dating. I'm the girl who gets broken up with on the phone to the tune of “New Girl Now” by Honeymoon Suite (true story). I'm the girl who gets cheated on and passed over for a blonde friend. And I can't tell you how many times I have “liked” someone, mustered the courage to talk to them only to have them ask me 20 questions about the friend I am with. Go talk to her yourself, asshole.

At this point, I've kind of accepted my fate. Not to mention I am so set in my ways now that I can't fathom living with someone (besides a cat...or 2...or 3). The mere thought of dirty socks strewn about or the toilet seat left up sends me into a near Lizzie Borden-style rage. And hey, is it really so bad to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want? To not have to answer to anyone...ever? I see what some of my friends go through with their significant others and let me tell ya, I'm starting to think that I am a bloody genius for staying single for so long.

Spinster Sook

So, let me be your 3^rd wheel. Set a place for me at the singles table. And pick out my bridesmaid dress. This girl is a spinster and proud of it! My only regret is that I am going to miss out on engagement gifts, shower gifts, and wedding gifts. On second thought...my new cat arrives on May 3. Your invitation to my baby shower is in the mail.

At least you love me,

Stacey xo

It's "Easter"!

A day off + chocolate bunnies. It must be "Easter"!


I hope y'all get together with your loved ones to celebrate. Indulge in some good food and a few cocktails. Why not? It's Zombie Jesus Day!

You know you love me,


Stacey xo

Aliens Are Taking Over

The following is my PERSONAL opinion. I am aware there are certain circumstances in which these sorts of things are necessary be it medical or personal. 


Everyone knows my views on plastic surgery and Botox by now. Of course there are always special cases but, for the most part, I think it looks ridiculous. More often than not, it makes a person look like they are trying to stay young (and failing miserably at it). In severe cases, it turns human beings into aliens. Maybe the inventors of all these Botox and Restylane injections actually ARE aliens and this is their way of slowly taking over Earth one sucker at a time. Things that make you go hmmm?

Anyway, here are two examples of ageing. One, gracefully, the other, uhhh, not so much.

Helen Mirren:

Helen Mirren-A Goddess at 65.

This woman kicks ass. She is 65 years old (young?) and seriously, she looks better than a lot of women half her age. She clearly embraces growing older and is doing it with style. She dresses age appropriate with an edge and it WORKS (Hello? Evening gown with a leather biker jacket? Rock on sister!). She is one saucy bird and I admire her to pieces! (She's got a wicked sense of humour too which makes her that much more attractive).

Madonna:

Madonna clinging to her, uhh, youth?

Madge turns 53 this year and look at her. What the bloody hell has she done to her face? I am willing to bet if she would have left it alone, she would be in Helen's category. But noooooooooooo. She now looks like a preying mantis. Madonna was a huge inspiration to me growing up. I learned about individual style from her. Sadly, she has none of it left. She is now just one of the Plastics, desperately trying to be 25 forever.

Praying Mantis devouring it's prey. Could also be a picture of
Madonna disposing of her latest BOYfriend.  

Kids...we ALL get older and we ALL age. Yes, parts of it SUCK but, look at the alternative. Those close to you will always think you are beautiful...no matter what. If you are getting Botoxed and nipped and tucked to please others? Sorry but the joke is on you. If you are doing it to make yourself happy? Well, it makes me sad that so much self-worth is based on appearance. Sign of the times, I guess.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Happy Birthday Tara!

My sister, Tara, turns 38 in a few days. We are 2 years apart, though honestly, I more often than not feel like the younger sibling. I'm considered to be the “fragile” one in the family. My sister is the strong one. And not just mentally, she could also physically kick my ass!

Tara--Rider super-fan and Toronto Maple Leaf freak

Because there is only a 2 year difference between us, we spent a significant part of our childhood together. I had one hell of an awesome childhood and that, in part, is because of my sister. Whether it was playing school, playing Barbies or the endless hours spent outside in the backyard we always had fun. She was the first person I applied make-up on (I thought it looked amazing but Mom didn't think the bright turquoise eye-shadow was appropriate for an 8 year old) and the person I made chocolate chip cookie batter with...just to eat (and man did we get sick)! We would dance and sing to 45's (records for those who are too young) on our jukebox in the basement and ride our bikes up and down the block. In fact, I am pretty sure I was the first person she drove over while riding her tricycle like a maniac at warp speed. Oh and while I am at it, the maniac also murdered our Barbie, Julia, by throwing her into the middle of the street in front of oncoming traffic. But, I digress.

The Sook Sisters

As we have grown up, my sister has been a huge support to me, especially last year when I was sick. To this day I don't know where I would have ended up without her guidance and unwavering positive encouragement. Her ability to care for people is second to none. She is one of those rare people who would give the shirt of her back if someone needed it.

We've had our differences over the years but, at the end of the day, my sister is truly my best friend. She knows me better than anyone and has been with me through thick and thin. She gives me tough love when I need it and puts me in my place when I deserve it.

So, to the best sister a girl could ask for....I wish you a very Happy Birthday! I hope this is your best year yet. You have earned it...and you deserve it.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

The Hate Mail Has Arrived!

So, I have received my first “hate mail” regarding my blog. Whooo hooo! It was from a total stranger and wow...she ripped me a new one! I was thinking about pasting it in it's entirety in this post but decided that the writer doesn't deserve a public forum. This woman (and judging from her email I use the term very loosely) called me pathetic, self-loathing and insecure. Oh. Your. God...my spirit is crushed. I must phone and make an emergency therapy appointment immediately!

It seems the trigger for this hissy fit was my blog on Spring where I suggest that there are only 2 women on the planet who can/should wear “booty shorts”. She said I was (and I quote) “shaming fat people”. What? Where in that blog did I say anything negative about overweight people? There are tons of girls with kick-ass bodies and I still don't think they should wear booty shorts! They are ugly, cheap looking and a crime against fashion! And, why the hell would I make those struggling with weight my target when I have had my own struggles?

Let's get one thing straight. My blog is solely based on my personal opinions and how I see things. I do not set out to personally offend anyone, ever. If that does happen? Well, there's nothing I can do about it. Some people are just overly sensitive and you know what? If you don't like what I have to say? Don't read my blog! Simple as that.

I can't begin to tell you how much shit I don't agree with every single day. Sometimes I voice my opinion, sometimes I think it best to keep my mouth shut. But, I ALWAYS respect the opinions of others. I mean really...wouldn't life be boring if we all had the same views?

Bottom line: I am not going to censor myself or apologize for my opinions. Ever.

“I am who I am and I say what I think.”-Eminem 

Oh yes...you KNOW you love me,

Stacey xo

FUCK censorship

Important Reminders

My cousin, Shauna, lost a dear friend to cancer today. It is usually times like this that we tend to evaluate our own lives. This isn't going to be a full blog post. I just have a few reminders for everyone.

1. Live life to the fullest every single day. We all go through hard times but in the grand scheme of things, those moments are few and far between. Remember what I said about the “roller-coaster” in my blog a few days ago? Life is all about ups and downs.
   
   
2. Love your family. Love your friends. We all get annoyed by those close to us at times but you know what? No-one is perfect. We all have idiosyncrasies and traits that drive those close to us crazy but, it's those little things that make us unique. Be patient. Be understanding.
   
   
3. Don't let petty arguments and disagreements destroy a friendship or relationship. Talk things out, people. We must TALK to each other and practice forgiveness.
   
   
4. Love YOURSELF...for who you are, as you are. Getting down about things like weight or a zit is a waste of precious time (note to self: practice what you preach Stacey). Don't beat yourself up over insignificant things.
   
   
5. And last, be kind to each other. Not just those you are close to, but to strangers as well. You never know what personal battle people are fighting. Your smile or kind words could make someone's day.

You know I love you,

Stacey xo

PS. Don't worry...I'll be back to bitching about something tomorrow ;).

Smart Girls vs. Dumb Girls

Smart girls-Are independent.

Dumb girls-Need men to “take care of them”.

Smart girls-Are individuals.

Dumb girls-Are followers.

Smart girls-Have personal style.

Dumb girls-All look exactly the same.

Dumb girls.

Smart girls-Have money in their savings accounts.

Dumb girls-Think cash registers at the local mall are their savings accounts.

Smart girls-Choose friends who are true.

Dumb girls-Choose friends who have “connections”.

Smart girls-Eat.

Dumb girls-Starve themselves.

Smart girls-Have opinions and aren't afraid to voice them.

Dumb girls-Couldn't have a debate if their lives depended on it.

Smart girls-Are genuine.

Dumb girls-Are fake.

Smart girls-Don't care what anyone thinks.

Dumb girls-Care what everyone thinks.

Smart girls.

Smart girls-Will date a man for who he is.

Dumb girls-Will date a man because of his bank account.

Smart girls-Think a fulfilling life is about family, friends and having a warm bed, food and a roof over their head.

Dumb girls-Think a fulfilling life is about having the right purse, bling and monthly Botox injections.

Smart girls-Are who they ARE.

Dumb girls-Pretend they are someone they are not.

Smart girls-Rock.

Dumb girls-Suck.

Any questions?

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Spring in the City

An open letter to the girls of Saskatoon:

The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the snow is almost gone. Ahhh...Spring is finally upon us. SPRING being the operative word.

This is the definition of spring:

Spring--The season of the year, occurring between winter and summer, during which the weather becomes warmer and plants revive, extending in the Northern Hemisphere from the vernal equinox to the summer solstice and popularly considered to comprise March, April, and May.

In other words, it is NOT SUMMER.

Please girls, I beg you, put the booty shorts (or Daisy Dukes as they were called in my day) away. It is not time. Though quite frankly, it is NEVER time for booty shorts. It is my strong belief that there are only 2 women on the planet who can successfully wear these shorts...or as I like to call them, “denim panties”. Those 2 women are Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and actress Cameron Diaz. Anyone else who puts these damn things on looks like either a prostitute or the resident of a trailer park in Kansas. Use this as a a guide. If your body does not resemble either one of these women...do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to wear these shorts. You are only going embarrass yourself (sorry...I'm nothing if not honest) and offend those around you.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

If you don't have this EXACT body...please refrain.

The Roller-coaster Called Life

My life, lately, has been somewhat of a roller-coaster  ride with ups and downs and twists and turns. Actually, now that I think about it, the word “roller-coaster” essentially sums up my life. It is never just Even Steven. Never without challenges and never without some sort of drama. I don't invite drama into my life. It just always seems to find me. Always has. Please join me on my most recent roller-coaster ride.

As we begin the climb, I had my follow up assessment at the gym last week. Muscle is up, fat is down. Weight is the same. And I know...muscle weighs more than fat but STILL. The number couldn't have budged even a little? So even though I was armed with this knowledge, I did something stupid and prematurely tried on my jeans. BIG mistake. HUGE. Couldn't even do the fucking things up. This lead me to wonder why I am never happy with my weight? I mean I was clearly much smaller when I wore those jeans 2 years ago but even at that time I wasn't happy. Hell, I remember when I was 17 and weighed 115 lbs. I was so upset that I was “fat” that Mom sent me to a dietician to try talk some sense into me. I mean Christ, if I wasn't happy at 115 lbs am I EVER going to be happy with my weight? I truly blame the media for this. The constant influx of pictures of celebrities and their unrealistic weights. And it's not like I don't KNOW these women starve themselves and live on lettuce and seeds. And it's not like I am willing to go to such extreme measures to trim down. I dunno. It makes me sad that we are so hard on ourselves and can't find the courage to accept ourselves as we are. Just as we are.

A little further up the roller-coaster brings me to hearing from a friend I am no longer friends with. We were only friends for a very short time, maybe a little over a year. We had a falling out last year that I feel we were both at fault for. I was very sick with my depression during a good portion of our friendship. This made me, at times, very hard to deal with. I know she tried as hard as she could to stand by me and I also know I eventually exhausted her with my negativity at the time.  Though honestly? What kind of friend cuts and runs? Anyway, I randomly got a text from her the other day. Basically just saying “Hi, how are you?”. I don't understand why she text me. She clearly had no intentions of rebuilding our friendship. And while it was a nice gesture, it upset me more than anything and just brought everything back to the forefront of my mind. 

As we inch toward the top of the roller-coaster, I had a job interview. It was your standard, stressful interview full of questions that have no relevance such as, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. Well, dipshit, if I could “see” that, I would probably know where I am going to be and wouldn't be sitting here answering these questions and sweating like a pig out of nervousness for a job I'm not going to get. Argh! AND, to add salt to the wound, I found out a girl whom I consider to me my “nemesis” got the job. Seriously? Is there a curse on me? Should I really consider seeing a witch doctor?

Now, to cruise back down the coaster. My hair. For the past few months it has been light brown with blonde hi-lites. I know, you are thinking “what the hell?”. Me too. It was NOT me. Not who I am now. I swear my stylist, the amazing Kristen Bodnar, knows me better than I know myself. She is uber-talented and honest to a fault. She told me point-blank that the hair I was sporting was not me. She was right. So. Very. Right. I think I just fell into this rut and suddenly felt like I needed to look like my friends. I'm not sure why? Perhaps because guys are always falling all over them while the weird girl (me) stands there. Stupid reason, I know. Kristen helped me realize that I AM different and that it IS okay and that there ARE people who appreciate my uniqueness. My hair is now blackish/reddish and purple. Stacey is back. Kristen, you are not only an amazing stylist but a great friend too. Thank you for helping me “re-find” myself.

And so we reach the bottom of the roller-coaster. I'm sure most of you have seen the movie 'Parenthood' with Steve Martin at some point over the last 20 years. It came out in 1989 and I still watch it every time it is on TBS. It gives a true depiction of family. Something that most movies and TV shows don't do. This movie produced a story that I think of often. The story is told by Steve Martin's character's grandma. It goes like this:

"You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."

-Grandma from Parenthood

How true is it that life would be “nothing” without the roller-coaster? As stressful and scary as the ride up can sometimes be, we can always look forward to the thrill and excitement of the wind blowing through our hair on the joyous ride down.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo


ADDENDUM: I could really care less if I EVER hear from or see the "friend" mentioned above. I was clearly delusional when I wrote this. She is truly an awful person...which, as usual, I found out after the fact.