Happy Birthday Tara!

My sister, Tara, turns 38 in a few days. We are 2 years apart, though honestly, I more often than not feel like the younger sibling. I'm considered to be the “fragile” one in the family. My sister is the strong one. And not just mentally, she could also physically kick my ass!

Tara--Rider super-fan and Toronto Maple Leaf freak

Because there is only a 2 year difference between us, we spent a significant part of our childhood together. I had one hell of an awesome childhood and that, in part, is because of my sister. Whether it was playing school, playing Barbies or the endless hours spent outside in the backyard we always had fun. She was the first person I applied make-up on (I thought it looked amazing but Mom didn't think the bright turquoise eye-shadow was appropriate for an 8 year old) and the person I made chocolate chip cookie batter with...just to eat (and man did we get sick)! We would dance and sing to 45's (records for those who are too young) on our jukebox in the basement and ride our bikes up and down the block. In fact, I am pretty sure I was the first person she drove over while riding her tricycle like a maniac at warp speed. Oh and while I am at it, the maniac also murdered our Barbie, Julia, by throwing her into the middle of the street in front of oncoming traffic. But, I digress.

The Sook Sisters

As we have grown up, my sister has been a huge support to me, especially last year when I was sick. To this day I don't know where I would have ended up without her guidance and unwavering positive encouragement. Her ability to care for people is second to none. She is one of those rare people who would give the shirt of her back if someone needed it.

We've had our differences over the years but, at the end of the day, my sister is truly my best friend. She knows me better than anyone and has been with me through thick and thin. She gives me tough love when I need it and puts me in my place when I deserve it.

So, to the best sister a girl could ask for....I wish you a very Happy Birthday! I hope this is your best year yet. You have earned it...and you deserve it.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

The Hate Mail Has Arrived!

So, I have received my first “hate mail” regarding my blog. Whooo hooo! It was from a total stranger and wow...she ripped me a new one! I was thinking about pasting it in it's entirety in this post but decided that the writer doesn't deserve a public forum. This woman (and judging from her email I use the term very loosely) called me pathetic, self-loathing and insecure. Oh. Your. God...my spirit is crushed. I must phone and make an emergency therapy appointment immediately!

It seems the trigger for this hissy fit was my blog on Spring where I suggest that there are only 2 women on the planet who can/should wear “booty shorts”. She said I was (and I quote) “shaming fat people”. What? Where in that blog did I say anything negative about overweight people? There are tons of girls with kick-ass bodies and I still don't think they should wear booty shorts! They are ugly, cheap looking and a crime against fashion! And, why the hell would I make those struggling with weight my target when I have had my own struggles?

Let's get one thing straight. My blog is solely based on my personal opinions and how I see things. I do not set out to personally offend anyone, ever. If that does happen? Well, there's nothing I can do about it. Some people are just overly sensitive and you know what? If you don't like what I have to say? Don't read my blog! Simple as that.

I can't begin to tell you how much shit I don't agree with every single day. Sometimes I voice my opinion, sometimes I think it best to keep my mouth shut. But, I ALWAYS respect the opinions of others. I mean really...wouldn't life be boring if we all had the same views?

Bottom line: I am not going to censor myself or apologize for my opinions. Ever.

“I am who I am and I say what I think.”-Eminem 

Oh yes...you KNOW you love me,

Stacey xo

FUCK censorship

Important Reminders

My cousin, Shauna, lost a dear friend to cancer today. It is usually times like this that we tend to evaluate our own lives. This isn't going to be a full blog post. I just have a few reminders for everyone.

1. Live life to the fullest every single day. We all go through hard times but in the grand scheme of things, those moments are few and far between. Remember what I said about the “roller-coaster” in my blog a few days ago? Life is all about ups and downs.
   
   
2. Love your family. Love your friends. We all get annoyed by those close to us at times but you know what? No-one is perfect. We all have idiosyncrasies and traits that drive those close to us crazy but, it's those little things that make us unique. Be patient. Be understanding.
   
   
3. Don't let petty arguments and disagreements destroy a friendship or relationship. Talk things out, people. We must TALK to each other and practice forgiveness.
   
   
4. Love YOURSELF...for who you are, as you are. Getting down about things like weight or a zit is a waste of precious time (note to self: practice what you preach Stacey). Don't beat yourself up over insignificant things.
   
   
5. And last, be kind to each other. Not just those you are close to, but to strangers as well. You never know what personal battle people are fighting. Your smile or kind words could make someone's day.

You know I love you,

Stacey xo

PS. Don't worry...I'll be back to bitching about something tomorrow ;).

Smart Girls vs. Dumb Girls

Smart girls-Are independent.

Dumb girls-Need men to “take care of them”.

Smart girls-Are individuals.

Dumb girls-Are followers.

Smart girls-Have personal style.

Dumb girls-All look exactly the same.

Dumb girls.

Smart girls-Have money in their savings accounts.

Dumb girls-Think cash registers at the local mall are their savings accounts.

Smart girls-Choose friends who are true.

Dumb girls-Choose friends who have “connections”.

Smart girls-Eat.

Dumb girls-Starve themselves.

Smart girls-Have opinions and aren't afraid to voice them.

Dumb girls-Couldn't have a debate if their lives depended on it.

Smart girls-Are genuine.

Dumb girls-Are fake.

Smart girls-Don't care what anyone thinks.

Dumb girls-Care what everyone thinks.

Smart girls.

Smart girls-Will date a man for who he is.

Dumb girls-Will date a man because of his bank account.

Smart girls-Think a fulfilling life is about family, friends and having a warm bed, food and a roof over their head.

Dumb girls-Think a fulfilling life is about having the right purse, bling and monthly Botox injections.

Smart girls-Are who they ARE.

Dumb girls-Pretend they are someone they are not.

Smart girls-Rock.

Dumb girls-Suck.

Any questions?

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Spring in the City

An open letter to the girls of Saskatoon:

The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the snow is almost gone. Ahhh...Spring is finally upon us. SPRING being the operative word.

This is the definition of spring:

Spring--The season of the year, occurring between winter and summer, during which the weather becomes warmer and plants revive, extending in the Northern Hemisphere from the vernal equinox to the summer solstice and popularly considered to comprise March, April, and May.

In other words, it is NOT SUMMER.

Please girls, I beg you, put the booty shorts (or Daisy Dukes as they were called in my day) away. It is not time. Though quite frankly, it is NEVER time for booty shorts. It is my strong belief that there are only 2 women on the planet who can successfully wear these shorts...or as I like to call them, “denim panties”. Those 2 women are Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and actress Cameron Diaz. Anyone else who puts these damn things on looks like either a prostitute or the resident of a trailer park in Kansas. Use this as a a guide. If your body does not resemble either one of these women...do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to wear these shorts. You are only going embarrass yourself (sorry...I'm nothing if not honest) and offend those around you.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

If you don't have this EXACT body...please refrain.

The Roller-coaster Called Life

My life, lately, has been somewhat of a roller-coaster  ride with ups and downs and twists and turns. Actually, now that I think about it, the word “roller-coaster” essentially sums up my life. It is never just Even Steven. Never without challenges and never without some sort of drama. I don't invite drama into my life. It just always seems to find me. Always has. Please join me on my most recent roller-coaster ride.

As we begin the climb, I had my follow up assessment at the gym last week. Muscle is up, fat is down. Weight is the same. And I know...muscle weighs more than fat but STILL. The number couldn't have budged even a little? So even though I was armed with this knowledge, I did something stupid and prematurely tried on my jeans. BIG mistake. HUGE. Couldn't even do the fucking things up. This lead me to wonder why I am never happy with my weight? I mean I was clearly much smaller when I wore those jeans 2 years ago but even at that time I wasn't happy. Hell, I remember when I was 17 and weighed 115 lbs. I was so upset that I was “fat” that Mom sent me to a dietician to try talk some sense into me. I mean Christ, if I wasn't happy at 115 lbs am I EVER going to be happy with my weight? I truly blame the media for this. The constant influx of pictures of celebrities and their unrealistic weights. And it's not like I don't KNOW these women starve themselves and live on lettuce and seeds. And it's not like I am willing to go to such extreme measures to trim down. I dunno. It makes me sad that we are so hard on ourselves and can't find the courage to accept ourselves as we are. Just as we are.

A little further up the roller-coaster brings me to hearing from a friend I am no longer friends with. We were only friends for a very short time, maybe a little over a year. We had a falling out last year that I feel we were both at fault for. I was very sick with my depression during a good portion of our friendship. This made me, at times, very hard to deal with. I know she tried as hard as she could to stand by me and I also know I eventually exhausted her with my negativity at the time.  Though honestly? What kind of friend cuts and runs? Anyway, I randomly got a text from her the other day. Basically just saying “Hi, how are you?”. I don't understand why she text me. She clearly had no intentions of rebuilding our friendship. And while it was a nice gesture, it upset me more than anything and just brought everything back to the forefront of my mind. 

As we inch toward the top of the roller-coaster, I had a job interview. It was your standard, stressful interview full of questions that have no relevance such as, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. Well, dipshit, if I could “see” that, I would probably know where I am going to be and wouldn't be sitting here answering these questions and sweating like a pig out of nervousness for a job I'm not going to get. Argh! AND, to add salt to the wound, I found out a girl whom I consider to me my “nemesis” got the job. Seriously? Is there a curse on me? Should I really consider seeing a witch doctor?

Now, to cruise back down the coaster. My hair. For the past few months it has been light brown with blonde hi-lites. I know, you are thinking “what the hell?”. Me too. It was NOT me. Not who I am now. I swear my stylist, the amazing Kristen Bodnar, knows me better than I know myself. She is uber-talented and honest to a fault. She told me point-blank that the hair I was sporting was not me. She was right. So. Very. Right. I think I just fell into this rut and suddenly felt like I needed to look like my friends. I'm not sure why? Perhaps because guys are always falling all over them while the weird girl (me) stands there. Stupid reason, I know. Kristen helped me realize that I AM different and that it IS okay and that there ARE people who appreciate my uniqueness. My hair is now blackish/reddish and purple. Stacey is back. Kristen, you are not only an amazing stylist but a great friend too. Thank you for helping me “re-find” myself.

And so we reach the bottom of the roller-coaster. I'm sure most of you have seen the movie 'Parenthood' with Steve Martin at some point over the last 20 years. It came out in 1989 and I still watch it every time it is on TBS. It gives a true depiction of family. Something that most movies and TV shows don't do. This movie produced a story that I think of often. The story is told by Steve Martin's character's grandma. It goes like this:

"You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."

-Grandma from Parenthood

How true is it that life would be “nothing” without the roller-coaster? As stressful and scary as the ride up can sometimes be, we can always look forward to the thrill and excitement of the wind blowing through our hair on the joyous ride down.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo


ADDENDUM: I could really care less if I EVER hear from or see the "friend" mentioned above. I was clearly delusional when I wrote this. She is truly an awful person...which, as usual, I found out after the fact.

Please stand by...

I've been feeling a little under the weather the last few days. No worries though...I will have a new blog post SOON! Thanks for reading :).


You know you love me,


Stacey xo

Remembering My Friend

I was thinking about what it must be like to be in high school in the age of cellphones and Blackberry's and Facebook. When I was in school...passing notes was one of the main forms of communication (yup, I'm a dinosaur). This lead me to think about my friend Rod. Rod was killed in a car accident when I was in grade 12. He would have been all OVER things like cellphones and iPods. He would have scoffed at the idea of Facebook but I know he would have eventually succumbed to the pressure to join (I probably would have set up an account for him without telling him first!).

Rod was one of my best friends. There was a time when we were joined at the hip. My parent's knew him and liked him. My little brother thought he was too cool (especially after he taught Jayson how to start his socks on fire with the lint from a lighter!). My sister let him play 'Home Sweet Home' on her piano (to this day I can't listen to that song). We hung out every day after school, parted ways for supper and then, the minute supper was done and the dishes were in the dishwasher, we were together again for the evening. If we weren't together, we were yacking on the phone about Motley Crue's latest album or things that happened the previous weekend.

Rod at his grade 12 grad.

We didn't really do a whole hell of a lot when we were together. We were kids. Our antics during the week consisted of driving around listening to Cinderella or Ratt, hanging out at the park smoking or sitting in Annette's basement talking for hours on end. Sometimes we did stupid, immature shit. I remember one time we thought it was super funny to drive forward and backward repeatedly in front of our friend Warren's house. Warren and his parents couldn't figure out what the hell was going on as it was dark out. We thought we were HILARIOUS! Another time we found an old bowling ball and would roll it down the street and crash it into things. It seems to me we found that bowling ball somewhere near the “Devil's House”. That was another activity we often enjoyed. There was an old, abandoned house that was located off 33^rd Street down a gravel road. Rumour had it that it was haunted. A few of us would go there after dark and basically wait until something scared the shit out of us...and something always did! Ahhh...the innocence of youth.

When the weekends rolled around, Rod's older brother would take our orders for the LBS and we would wait anxiously for him to return so we could get started on getting “wasted”. We would do this at the first available house (read: the parental units were gone out). We would always drink either Jack Daniels (I still have an empty bottle that we drank together) or Budweiser. I'll never forget when we were drinking at my house one time and my parent's came home. They didn't mind so much that we were drinking but when Mom noticed that Rod and I were drinking beer with STRAWS she gave us supreme shit! It seems to me she told us to “grow up”...LOL! I remember another time drinking at my house. I had a little too much that night and passed out on the floor (sorry, Mom, but I know this isn't exactly a shock). Rod was convinced that I was dead and started crying. My friend Annette not only had to deal with me being passed out but had to try convince Rod that I was indeed, alive and...hmm...'well' just doesn't seem to fit here. Alive and out cold!

As close as Rod and I were, we tended to get into frequent arguments. We were both dramatic and stubborn as hell and it usually took a 3^rd party to get us “back together”. The last time I saw Rod, that 3^rd party just so happened to be a party.

My parent's and siblings had gone to my Uncle's farm for Thanksgiving. I opted out...and still to this day can't believe I was allowed to! That weekend there were 2 big parties going on...we called them “shakers”. One was on the East side...the other was at my house. This party was HUGE. I remember walking into the house after checking on a friend passed out in a car (!) and all I could see was a sea of people. Yup, it had gotten WAY out of hand (hindsight is 20/20). Anyway, Rod and I had been fighting for a couple of weeks (I think?) and I hadn't seen him at all in that time. He caught wind that there was a party at my house and he came over to show off his new Mustang (and it was brand-spanking new) and probably give me shit for not inviting him to the party. Over a shared cigarette, we made amends and made plans to get together the following weekend to watch a Guns 'n Roses concert I had “taped” from Much Music. Well...that never happened.

Rod was killed that following weekend. He was driving on a grid road and lost control of his car. Another friend also died in the crash. Two girlfriends that were in the car survived.

I can't tell you how often I still think that if I didn't have that party, Rod and I would have never called a truce and he would have died with the 2 of us still fighting...over something RIDICULOUS (the things we scrapped about were always ridiculous). I can't imagine the guilt that I know I would still feel.

Even though it was been 23 years since Rod died, I think of him often. I truly believe in my heart we would still be friends if he were alive. We were both just too damn sentimental to stay away from each other for long.

I guess that leads me to offer some motherly advice...Never, ever end a conversation with someone you care about on a sour note. Never walk away mad. Never let petty differences or arguments overtake a relationship/friendship. I know it can be hard at times but try think of the alternative. Imagine getting a phone call that someone you love is gone. Imagine that guilt and pain. We never know when our number is up so hold those you care about close to your heart--at all times...no matter what.

I miss you, Rod. Ratt 'n Roll buddy (PS. You would have loved Jagermeister!).

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Is This Weather Related Bitchiness? The Moon? Menopause? What???

I've had kind of a crappy few days. My mood has been in the toilet. It is either my fault...I attempted something before I was ready...OR it is the wonky moon we had the other night. Nevertheless, because of this I have been somewhat of a Sour Puss. Join me for a shot of bitchiness, won't you......

1. People who didn't shovel all winter and now have mini-skating rinks in front of their houses. These people are, without a doubt, the same people who don't scrape their car windows. Get off your lazy fucking asses and start chipping the ice away....on your hands and knees...with a Sharon Stone-esque ice pick. You all make me SICK and I hope you FALL. Yup, I said it...I. HOPE. YOU. FALL.
   
   
2. Cosmetic/hair companies who use actresses or singers to peddle their products. Whatever happened to models? If I was a model I would be pissed. I don't need to see Drew Barrymore 25 times a day hawking mascara. Watching her talk out of the side of her mouth like Jean Chretien sends me into a rage.
   
   
3. Tattoos. I am SO sick of tattoos. Sorry folks but only about a quarter of them out there even look half-good. I am sick of 20-something little girls walking around with sleeves thinking they are cooler than everyone else. I am sick of people talking about them or droning on and on about their “next one”. NOBODY CARES. And no, having a tattoo does not put you into a different “category” than everyone else. Get over yourself. Mark my words kids...this is a trend. Take heed laser removal clinics. There is going to be a BIG BOOM in the next few years. Start hiring now.
   
   
4. Pink hair, blue hair, red hair. It's soooo 2010. Unless you are under 16, it's over. You don't look edgy anymore. You look outdated. Move on.
   
   
5. I am SO sick of people being so bloody kidcentric. Not everyone has kids. Not everyone WANTS kids. Those who have decided against it should be applauded for knowing they aren't cut out for parenthood. And hey, as far as I can tell when I go shopping or out to eat, a good number of those who have children, shouldn't. Get off your high horses (chairs?). Not having kids does not make me or anyone else, less of a person. And contrary to popular belief...one CAN have a very fulfilling live sans kids.
   
   
6. The latest Dairy Queen commercials with the guitar that “sounds like dolphins”. Who is coming up with this shit? It is not even remotely funny or clever. Where is Donald Trump when you need him...Dairy Queen marketing execs...you're FIRED.
   
   
7. People on Facebook who post semi-nude profile/album pics. I can't begin to express how pathetic I find this. Are you really THAT desperate? Cause let me tell ya...that's how it appears. And mothers out there...Really? You want your kids and their friends looking at you half-naked? I am pretty sure there are other websites that would be happy to post your pictures...perhaps cougarsdesperateforattention.com.
   
   
8. This is actually a very personal/serious one I HAD to throw in. People who cut and run when a friend is going through a tough time. I pity you. I sincerely hope you end up all alone. I also hope your friends are all exactly like you because you don't deserve to have good people in your life. Karma is a bitch, bitches.
   
   
9. 1-800/888 numbers. Seriously. I am ready to SNAP. Correction...I HAVE snapped. I have an 888 number that calls every single day...more than once. It is a computer generated survey so I can't tell them to fuck off...though I still yell it into the phone. What? It makes me feel better. Don't say you never do it!
   
   
10. The people out there who are convinced the earthquake in Japan has to do with the bible. You know...the ones who think the earth moving is one of the “signs” of the “last days”. How fucking brainwashed are you? The BIBLE? It is a work of FICTION...and not a very good one at that. “Natural” disasters have been occurring FOREVER and the human race is still here. With that being said, I hope when Jesus Christ “returns” he brings Elvis, Liberace and Michael Jackson with him. Woot...party!

Well, that is where I am going to end it. Yes, I may come off as being bitchier than “usual” but...it's my state of mind at the moment. Gotta be honest. I'm not one to fake my mood...I couldn't if I tried.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

ARGHHHHHH!

(A Few of ) My Secrets to an Enjoyable Life

I've been reflecting a lot on the last year. Where I was last year at this time, and where I am now. It is basically night and day. It's amazing how far I have come in a year. My life has totally changed. I am a totally different person. I am now one of the positive people I used to envy (and have great disdain for). Who would have ever thought?

There are a few things that I think can make our lives go extra smoothly. I'm not talking about being debt-free or having a good job. I am talking about little things that can make life better. If you stick to this list...your life will rock. Trust me!

1. Everyone should have a great esthetician. There is really nothing more important than good eyebrows. Eyebrows frame your face and can totally change how you look. I used to have a friend who had super thin brows. I did her make-up one day and GAVE her brows. She. Looked. Amazing! If you spend money on any kind of beauty service... spend it on an eyebrow wax from a REPUTABLE esthetician (there are a lot of bad ones out here judging from the eyebrows I see walking around the city). Ernie's friend/partner (?) Bert is not who you want to model your brows after. Neither is the East L.A gang-leader's girlfriend
   
   
2. Always have beer in the fridge. You never know when someone is going to pop over. Sitting around with a good friend and a cold one, shooting the shit can be one of the most enjoyable experiences. Often, the best times are totally unplanned (which is amazing for me considering I used to write itineraries on the day my friends and I went to the exhibition!). 
   
   
3. And on that note...always have Jagermeister in the freezer. Jagermeister is in the same category as tea-tree oil. It has many, many uses, a lot of them medicinal! Too full? Have a shot! Upset tummy? Have a shot! Nervous/uneasy? Have a shot! Have a zit? Dab it with Jag (haha...kidding!). A friend was getting ready for a first date not long ago. She was soooo nervous. I told her to have a shot of Jag to ease her nervous tummy. She didn't have any so I immediately got in my car and personally delivered a shot to her! It really is THE Nectar of the Gods!
   
   
4. Cream cheese. If you always have a brick of cream cheese on hand...you are good to go! Need to make an unexpected appetizer? Don't have any ideas for supper? Bust out the cream cheese and your options are endless!
   
   
5. Black dresses. All the girls out there know this but how many have one? I mean a really good one? My closet is full of black dresses (probably because all I wear is black...Goth much?) but to those who don't have one? Get shopping. A black dress can take you from a wedding to a bar on a Friday night. You can wear it to work with heels or to run errands with flats. As we know, black is very forgiving when it comes to the figure flaws that we ALL have. Black...Not just for funerals anymore!
   
   
6. I wasn't going to include stuff like this but, I have to. GOOD friends! Hang onto them and never let go. Over the past 5 years I have purged all the trash from my life. This has included several people who claimed to be “friends”. Friends do not make you feel bad, do not abandon you during the rough times and, in this day and age, write Facebook statuses to hurt you. If you have people in your life who do this? Get rid of them. NOW. I did it and have never looked back. I am now surrounded by the most amazing and supportive people I have ever known.
   
   
7. Read! I had a conversation with a friend the other night. He isn't a big reader. We were talking about how judgey some people can be when they find out someone doesn't like to read. I don't give a shit who reads or not. I just know that in the last year I have turned into somewhat of a voracious reader and have learned SO much. And I don't mean in a scholarly way. I tend to read a lot of autobiographies. Learning from others life experiences can have a profound effect on our own lives. Trust me. I mean it's because of Motley Crue's 'The Dirt' that I have decided to stick with vodka/soda as opposed to doing 8-balls of heroin ;).
   
   
8. Good tunes are the soundtracks of our lives. Songs can bring back memories, take us back to a time in our lives and help us through hard times. There are a few bands that I listened to last year whose lyrics absolutely, without a doubt, helped me through some very dark days. Wanna feel like you are 13 again? Throw on Duran Duran. Need to get pumped up to go out when you are dead tired? Spin a Gaga or Britney disc. Feeling angry? Eminem will help you get your aggressions out. I would die without my tunes.
   
   
9. Take too many of pictures. I have my camera with me at all times. In the age of digital cameras we can now take TONS of pictures and print them off ourselves, at our leisure. We don't have to worry about taking the “film” in to get developed (amazing that my niece will probably never know what “film” is!) or about some stranger looking at our pics (hehe). What we need to do is start taking pictures of everyday life...your Mom in the kitchen baking bread, your Dad BBQing, your Grandma sitting in her favourite chair. It's the little things like that that we have a hard time remembering. It's those little things that really are more important than taking pictures of people you barely know at your second cousin's third wedding.
   
   
10. Finally...and this one is so very important. Accept people for who they are. There is always going to be something about our friends and family members that irritates the shit out of us! That is life. We are all so unique it is inevitable. We have to embrace our differences and our quirks. We have to accept that we ALL go through hard times and sometimes say and do things that will hurt or piss someone off. Forgive. We all make mistakes. EVERYONE makes mistakes.

I didn't intend for this list to take such a heartfelt turn. I guess as I was writing, these are the things that stood out in the forefront of my mind. Anyway... be happy! I can finally say that after A LOT of work, I genuinely am. And don't worry...Smart-Ass Stacey will be back next time!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Adventures in...uh...Zellers?

So I went to the Zellers last night out of boredom. It used to be a Walmart but after Walmart moved to Stonehenge, Zellers took over. I often go to Zellers because they have really cheap, funky costume jewellery (bought a kick-ass ring for $3!) and an awesome Rubbermaid selection (I love organizing stuff and putting it in containers...um...yeah).

I encountered some weirdo people there last night. First and foremost, the swearing guy in the men's underwear department. You may be asking yourself what I was doing in the men's underwear department. Well, I like to look at the pictures on the packages of underwear. HA...kidding (?). I was looking for some cheapo, packaged v-neck t-shirts to wear to the gym. Anyway, Zellers is typically VERY unorganized so I was in that section for awhile. There was also a 20-something guy in that section at the same time. I don't know WTF was going on with this guy but he would randomly start swearing every couple of minutes (and I'm certain it wasn't Tourette's). I avoided making eye contact in case he was about to go postal (if I'm going to be held hostage I want it to be somewhere a lot cooler than Zellers). Not sure if he couldn't find his size, colour, style. Maybe he was wanting a gold g-string or zebra print manties and discovered that Zellers isn't quite that risque. Whatever it was....WEIRD.

I then headed to my beloved jewellery section. There is always a ton of shit on sale and thrown into bins. While I was going through the ring bin, a sales associate started hovering around me. It didn't matter if I moved 3 feet to the left or to the right, she was there. She was looking at me like I was a 16 year old attempting to steal condoms. Seriously, what the hell?

I ended up having to make 2 separate purchases due to my age-related failing memory. When I was paying for my first batch of stuff, the woman in front of me discovered her HBC Rewards card was not working. After the cashier explained it to her I started telling her about how the same thing randomly happened to my card at the Bay and how it was such a pain, blah, blah, blah. The woman stood there and stared at me. Didn't say a word, just stared at me. It. Was. Awkward. Perhaps she was under the impression that most teenagers are little assholes and was shocked that one was actually talking to her? I dunno. People are fucked.

Next up I thought I would venture into Circle Mall. Bad idea. The guy at the flat-iron kiosk started chasing me. Listen BUD...first of all, my hair is board straight and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't get it straightened by some random yahoo in the middle of the freakin' MALL. Beat it!

I figured I needed some refuge and strolled into the record store (do people still call them “record” stores?). There were GIANT yellow signs that said, “Blow-out sale. Everything in store 30% off. All inventory must go”. So, I assumed it was a closing out sale. I asked the 'I'm too cool to talk to you' sales clerk when the store was closing and he said it wasn't. Ohhhh...it's a secret then? Well the blaring yellow and black signs you have plastered on every square inch of the store and fact that I couldn't even find an Eminem CD may give that secret away, FYI (I've since Googled and apparently CD Plus is in fact closing). Record store excursion=Fail.

At this point I'd had enough of the mall and went back to Zellers as that is where I had parked. I remembered that I forgot to buy tinfoil and dish soap. I went to the soap section and the soap I wanted was too high for me to reach. I had to stand on the bottom shelf and then use another bottle of soap to try move the one I wanted closer to me so I could grab it. Several people taller than 5 foot fucking 3 (rounded up from 5'2 ^3/4 ) walked by but could ONE offer to help me? FML.

After that...I was DONE. There are some days when going to the mall is not a very good idea. This was clearly one of those days. I shoulda got outta dodge after witnessing the freak out in the underwear department. I also should have stayed home and watched Jersey Shore. Even THAT would have been less painful.

If you go out shopping this weekend...take my advice and avoid the men's underwear department. Oh and if you see a flat-iron kiosk...run like hell.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Hi. My Name is Stacey and I am a Shoe-aholic

Much has been made about my “collection” of shoes. I have a lot, I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure someone could put a down-payment on a house with the amount I have spent on them. Sick, I know, but they bring me so much joy and happiness. Shoes are the children of the childless and what brings more joy than children? There are a lot of shoes out there that don't have anyone to love them and that is where I come in. If I see a lonely pair of shoes, being the kind and compassionate girl that I am, I am going to bring them home with me. I know, I am a shoemanitarian.

Some of the kids.

My shoes have many different personalities, just like children. I have the bad-ass black boots. I have the “conservative” work shoe (though my dear friend, Allison, would say that my definition of conservative is a little off). I have the naughty stiletto and the sensible flat. There are the cutesy shoes with bows and the rockin' shoes with skulls. I really do have them all which makes me wonder...do I have too many? When putting an outfit together the hardest part is picking out a pair of shoes and it's not because I don't have anything that works. It's because I have too many that work. Sigh. Life is tough.

There are many, many reasons to love shoes. Here's a brief list:

1. Shoes will fit when the jeans don't. Unlike jeans...shoes don't care if you have put on 5lbs. Screw you, jeans!
   
   
2. Shoes are little works of art. I'm sure I am not the only one who displays her shoes for all to see. The craftsmanship, the supple leather, the rich suede, the shiny patent, the colours, the textures, the applique's, the...EVERYTHING!
   
   
3. We need shoes to function on a daily basis. It's true. Don't ever let anyone give you slack for buying a pair of shoes. We literally need them.
   
   
4. Shoes get attention. Nothing will turn heads like a hot pair of shoes. Men...if you want attention from women, you better invest in a good pair of shoes. Shoes really do make the man.
   
   
5. Purchasing shoes gives a high like nothing else. Oh yes...there is a new drug in town. Hmm, how long until Shoe-aholic Anonymous meetings start popping up?
   
   
6. Shoes bring people together. Maybe if the war-mongers of the world wore nicer shoes they would unite and the world would finally have peace. Just sayin'.
   
   
7. Shoes don't discriminate. There is a shoe for every person in every income bracket. I have cheapo boots from the Giant Tiger that kick-ass and I have $300+ Fluevogs that are like walking on a cloud. I love them equally. Parents don't choose favourites ;).
   
   
8. When said jeans don't fit, wear a skirt and heels and your legs look fabulous.
   
   
9. Shopping for shoes is therapeutic. Why spend $100 to see a psychologist for one hour when you can spend that money on a pair of shoes that will bring you happiness for years to come?
   
   
10. Variety! Stilettos, wedges, flats, heels, slingbacks, espadrilles, flip-flops, platforms, Mary-Janes, sandals, boots, the list goes on!

My Baba always told me that if I was going to spend money on anything, to spend it on a really good pair of shoes. Thanks, Baba <3.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Half of my shoe closet (used to be a front hall closet for coats).

Hungry Eyes

Have you ever had one of those days when you just can't seem to eat enough? When nothing you munch on seems to satisfy your hunger? That was my Monday. It was one of those days where I feared that the light in the fridge was going to give me a tan because I spent half the day standing there with the door open. And let's be honest, it's not like the fridge is going to restock itself and surprise me with a treat that wasn't there when I checked it 15 minutes ago.

Now let's get one thing straight. Yes, I am a girl but, unlike a lot of girls nowadays, I like to eat. I REALLY like to eat. If I could get paid to eat...I would be very wealthy. I've been known to polish off 2 steaks (and all the fixings) in one sitting. I've also been known to eat until I am rolling around on the floor in agony because I ate too much (agony and bliss are one and the same, right?). What can I say? I. LOVE. FOOD. I think food is one of the greatest joys in life. I get so pissed off at these celebrities who subsist on lettuce and seeds. If I had unlimited funds and time and access like they do? Let me tell you...I would be eating a hell of a lot more than rabbit food and bird seed. Hear that Angelina?

Lately, there seems to be a surge of people getting their stomachs stapled or a lapband put on. I would like the opposite, please. I don't want my stomach clamped. I want an expander put in it so I can eat more! My eyes are WAY bigger than my stomach and it sucks (and contrary to popular belief...we do not, in-fact, eat with our eyes first). I would have thought after this many years of stuffing my face that my tummy would have just naturally expanded (well, it did...unfortunately on the outside instead of the inside). Sigh.

I guess I better go. It's 9:30pm and there are at least 3 more snacks to prepare tonight. I should also go and check the fridge...just in case I missed something the last 25 times I checked it.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Welcome to My Nightmare

I woke up this morning and, as always, “reviewed” last night's dreams. I have extremely vivid, detailed dreams and always remember every last detail. Always. Sometimes this is a good thing (when I am a rockstar wife). More often than not, a bad thing (when I give birth to a kitten and the umbilical cord is coming out of my mouth and I am pleading with the nurse to cut it because “it doesn't look good”). Then there are the dreams that verge on interfering with real life.

As of late I have been dreaming about a variety of guys I have liked in the past. I have no idea why. It's not like I am still hooked on any of them. In most cases I wouldn't touch any of them with a 10 foot pole and in the very special cases, I think I need to seriously reevaluate my standards *insert dry heave here*. The problem with these dreams is that I usually wake up and feel like I LIKE these jokers again. I sure as hell wouldn't act on it but it's like I wake up with a ridiculous teenage crush. WTF? What is this? I know I have been single for a very, very.....very long time but Jesus...is my subconscious telling me that I have to recycle? Because that ain't gonna happen. I'd rather end up a glitter covered spinster with a flask in her housecoat pocket who drones on about how cool she used to be “back in ____(insert year here)”.

I wish we had the ability to turn the dream channel if we don't like what is floating around in our heads. I mean, I often wake up a few times a night but nine times out of ten, when I fall back asleep, my dream picks up where it left off. I know a lot of people would probably love to have this “gift” but it is REALLY annoying...especially when I am making-out with some mullet-sporting, skin tight jeans wearing yahoo from 1989. Trust me, if I could regift this ability to someone else...God dammit I would.

Anyway, this is what is going on in my head at the moment. I look so forward to hittin' the hay tonight *rolling eyes*. I swear...a lobotomy is looking more and more tempting all the time.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Welcome to my nightmare.