She is SO Strange

 We all do little things that make us stand out from the crowd. That makes us individuals. That, at times, even make us seem like we are completely off our rockers. Some people find these actions annoying. Some find them endearing. But, regardless of what people think, these are the little things that make us who we are.  Here are a few little things that make me Stacey. Don’t judge.

It appears I have a couple of OCD-like tendencies (I’m sure some of you would argue I have more than a couple…to you I say never mind). First, I am a “checker”. When I leave the house, after I lock the door, I MUST check it 3 times. If I don’t do this ritual, I will leave and then inevitably have to turn around to come home and check that the door is in fact locked (it always is). I’m also a “counter”. For instance, when I wash my face in the morning, I splash it with water 6 times, at night when taking off my make-up, 10 times. Yeah, I don’t know either.

Another weirdo quirk I have has to do with my car stereo. My volume is numerical. I know, you are probably saying, “yeah, so what?”  Well, when I am playing my stereo, the volume has to be set at either an even number or a number divisible by 5. Please, don’t ask me why because I don’t know. I suppose this could be attributed to OCD too. Oh boy…I don’t think I like the pattern that is developing here.

This one I have had for many years. If I am walking with someone, doesn’t matter who or where it is, they MUST be on my right side. This started sometime in grade 10, I think. It really makes no sense, especially because I don’t hear as well out of my right ear as I do my left. So, if you are ever walking with me, either assume the position, or watch me stealthily move to the other side.

Do you eat the first piece of cheese when slicing into a new brick? I don’t. I always throw the first piece in the garbage (which is odd because I hate wasting food). I don’t know if it is because of the lines on it from the packaging or if I somehow think it tastes different.  Ummm…yeah.

Here’s one more. After all, if I write about all of them, I might get a visit from a couple of nice men with a white, buckled jacket for me. Anyway, when I am reading, I cannot insert the bookmark mid-chapter. I must, no matter how pages are left, finish a chapter before placing the bookmark and putting the book down. This is somewhat normal, isn’t it? C'mon. Humour me! 

So, those are a few of my little quirks. A few peculiarities that make me Stacey. A few oddities that are either terribly irritating or frustratingly adorable. What makes you strange?

You Know You Love Me,

Stacey xo

Let's Hear it For the BOY!

 I recently read my childhood diary. I found a particular entry that really stood out. To say I've been a very open-minded, accepting person for a long time is clearly an understatement. It seems I have always been drawn to people who are a little "different". Actually, let me clarify that. Different according to society’s incredibly suffocating standards.  

In my entry of January 18, 1984 (it's not a typo...1-9-8-4!) I wrote about my love for George O'Dowd, commonly known to most as Boy George. Yes kids, the Karma Chameleon of Video Hits and Good Rockin' Tonight. The dread-locked, fedora wearing songstress who ripped my heart out every time he sang 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me' (NO my love...I would NEVER hurt you). I was teased incessantly by my square classmates because he "looked like a girl" and wore make-up. I didn't care. I LIKED boys that wore make-up. I STILL like boys that wear make-up. I remember getting into arguments and screaming at the top of my lungs in my deafening 12 year old girl screech..."I DON'T CARE IF HE IS A TRANSVESTITE...I LOVE HIM" (I have another diary entry to this effect). I'll be perfectly honest, this was Saskatoon circa 1984...I was 12...I had no fucking clue what a transvestite was. All I knew was that he was different and didn't care, he caused a stir and I LOVED him for it all. 

So, without further ado, thank you Boy George for making me so open minded and accepting at such a young age.

Now please join me in accepting everyone, JUST AS THEY ARE!

You Know You Love Me,

Stacey xo


PS. I am working on the look of my blog, as you can see. Please be patient while I perfect it!

Liar, Liar, Panties on Fire

I started writing this blog last year for a few reasons. One, I was encouraged to write by several friends and family. Two, it is a way to get things off my chest. And three, it is a way to share my thoughts, opinions and experiences.

My blog has always been, and always will be, 100% authentic. I take pride in being an honest person (perhaps too honest at times). There are no tall-tales in my writing and no embellishments. I tell it like it is, often not thinking about the reactions I will get or the consequences I may face.

I did not start blogging to achieve my 15 minutes of “fame”. I did not join Twitter to endlessly nag people to read. I haven’t shamelessly “promoted” myself and I have no intentions of being the next Perez Hilton. Selfishly, my blog is more for ME than anyone else. I consider it a form of therapy.

Where is this coming from, you ask? Well, there are some bloggers out there who are passing off fiction as fact to increase readership. I find this to be morally reprehensible. These people are clearly of the George Costanza mindset, “it’s not a lie…if YOU believe it”. There is nothing more frightening than a person who believes their own bull-shit.

To those who take the time to read Stacey Stuff, thank you. I hope that you have been able to take a little something from the words I jumble together and the experiences I have shared. You can always count on me to tell it like it is, no holds barred.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Screw. You.

Yesterday a comment was thrown my way that has left me feeling pretty low. The comment was actually a thinly veiled “shot” at me said by someone who should be there for me. Period. I’ve tried not to let it bother me but, it’s hard. So, here are some words of advice. And I'm going to keep this short.

Surround yourself with people who support and love you unconditionally. People who are positive.  People who lift you up, not drag you down.  If someone really cares about you and your well-being, they won’t take shots at you or make you feel like shit. Ever.

If you have people in your life that say hurtful things, trample your feelings and make you feel bad about yourself, say good-bye, regardless of who they are or how long you have known them. If, for whatever reason, you can't kick 'em to the curb, limit your time with them. Life can be hard enough without having people who are supposed to care about you knocking you down.

You know you love me…and if you don’t…beat it…I don’t need you.

Stacey xo

You KNEW It Was Coming

 Thoughts, feelings and things that piss me off, annoy me and even scare me in the first 9 days of 2012. Y'all knew it was coming. 

1    1. Bon Jovi is doing commercials for Advil. Really? Advil? Considering he is an aging rockstar wouldn’t Viagra be more appropriate?

2. People undeserving of the credit or attention they receive. Period.

3. It’s WORK, not “werk”. It’s YOU ARE, not “ur”. It’s WHAT, not “wat”.  It’s THE, not “da”. What the hell is this shit? Why are people spelling like they are pre-Kindergarten? Tell me, what did the H in "wHat" ever do to you? Come on people. Smarten up (as my parents used to tell me...well, still do)!

4. I’ve had it with people, usually women, who say Botox and injections are “no different” than hair dye and make-up. Seriously? The last time I glanced in the mirror my make-up didn’t leave me looking like an emotionless fish.

5. I’ve probably said this before but, who the hell are these assholes who refuse to brush off or scrape their vehicle windows? I don’t get it. If you ARE one of these people, do you have any idea what this says about you (lazy, stupid, and irresponsible come to mind). I refuse to knowingly associate with these people. For real.

WTF? Grrrrr!

6. Potatoes with roots. These things terrify me. I won’t go anywhere near them.

Scarier than ANY horror movie.

7. Parents who call their kids their “best friends” (and vice versa). No. Your kids are not your best friends they are your CHILDREN. A 36 year old should not have a 12 year old best friend. There is a HUGE lack of parenting in today’s society and this is why. Nobody wants to discipline or ground their “BFF”. Parent first, friend second.

8. Ebay sellers who charge outrageous amounts for shipping. I was recently looking for a 2012 calendar. All I could find at the local mall was Justin Bieber, The Girls of Maxim Magazine and wild horses. So, to Ebay I went. Ummm, yeah. To have a $10 calendar sent to me it would cost $25 for shipping. Who in their right mind is going to pay $25 to have a CALENDAR shipped? I swear. At times Ebay is like a legal form of extortion.

9. Women who post risqué photos on Facebook. Come on. It is 2012. We ALL know that what you put out (take it how you want) there, stays out there…forever. Kids are bullied enough these days without having to deal with their friends seeing you half-naked. Put your clothes on and get some class.

      10. People who constantly text when out with others. It. Is. Rude. My phone stays in my purse when I am out with friends. That is until I get so bored of talking to myself that I start playing Angry Birds. Sigh…2000’s, you suck. 

You suck.

     You know you love me...even when I'm grouchy, 

  

     Stacey xo 

     PS. If there are any errors, I apologize. I am posting this while having migraine auras. I see virtually nothing but black and white squiggly lines. My world is one giant zebra pattern right now.

Y

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"Stacey, you have fat ankles"

With the New year upon us, many people have made New Year's Resolutions. I am not one of those people. I find as soon as you start making lists and verbalizing these grand plans, you set yourself up to fail. I find it is better to just DO without making a big TA-DO!

At the top of many resolution lists is losing weight. It makes me sad that this is such an ongoing, all-consuming issue for so many people. I was thinking of my own personal weight history and I have to say, the pressure to be thin has been weighing me down for many, many years. When I was in high school I weighed 117 lbs. I thought I was fat. In my 20's I weighed 125 lbs. I thought I was fat. In my 30's I weighed 130 lbs and yes, I thought I was fat. What is wrong with this picture? It is heartbreaking that even when I was fit as a fiddle, I still didn't feel like I was good enough or thin enough.

In my 20's I was at my peak. I was a gym rat who worked out 3 hours a night, 6 days a week and I looked gooood (though as I said, didn't see it at the time). It was during this time that I was told I was “thick” and that I had “fat ankles”. The fact that I can still recall exactly when and where I was told this says a lot. It says that, unfortunately, it is human nature to hang onto the insults and bad things that are said about us as opposed to compliments and good things.

I happen to LIKE my ankles! 

Let's face it, you don't know what someone's personal struggle with weight is about. It can be genetic, it can be medication related, it can be illness related. For those who are abused, eating can be a form of comfort. For those who are insecure or have low self-confidence, it can be a way to “hide”. Those off the cuff comments can stick with someone for a very long time and cause a huge amount of unseen damage.

So, without making this a “resolution”, let's start 2012 by treating each other (and ourselves) with kindness, respect and above all, understanding. Pay those close to you meaningful compliments. Hell, throw one out to a complete stranger! Make it a personal goal to pay one person a compliment a day. Uttering a few kind words won't only make someone else feel good, it will make YOU feel good too.

And lastly, let's start remembering the nice things people say to us and screw the insults. Who needs 'em!

“We're beautiful. No matter what they say. Words won't bring us down.”--Christina Aguilera.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

How's THIS for Positive

It's no secret that I have had a pretty shitty year (well, 2 actually). I am typically one that likes (?) to dwell on stuff so I thought I would do the opposite for a change. Kinda like how George Costanza went against every natural instinct on Seinfeld in one memorable episode. So, with that being said, I am going to list 5 GOOD things that happened in 2011...if I can think of 5, that is (insert Debbie Downer comments here).

"Every decision I have ever made in my entire life, has been wrong. 

My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be. 

Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, is it something to wear,

 something to eat, it’s all been wrong" - George Costanza

1. I successfully won my battle against depression. That is not to say that my demons don't occasionally latch onto my legs in an attempt to pull me down. But, I am now strong enough to let them briefly think they are winning and then kick the shit out of them. I am now able to put things into perspective and move on. I am no longer crazy irrational and I can now deal with things head-on. These may seem like “normal” every day things for everyone else but for me, it is huge.

2.  This may sound like an odd one for someone who is pushing 41 but I renewed my mortgage all by myself, without my parents input. I've led a somewhat sheltered/protected life and most major decisions are made with the help of my Mom and Dad. This was a big step for me and made me feel like a real, actual, grown-up for the first time in my life. 

3.  I adopted my first child. I've had cats since birth and they have played different roles in my life. Our first family cat,Taffy, was my protector, my little Mama, guarding my crib and always making sure I was okay. When Taffy passed we got Frankie. Frankie was my sibling. We had a love/hate relationship like most sibs do. When Frankie died in 2008, my folks didn't get another cat. This past May, after a 9 month search, I adopted Roo. Roo is my daughter. She is what I have needed for a very long time. She is the light of my life. As crazy as it sounds, she gives me purpose. Which I desperately needed.

My little Roo.

4. This is a pretty big one. One that I have regretted at times but deep down know was the right decision. I resigned from my job of almost 9 years. I am thankful that I had this job as it changed my life in many ways from being able to buy my condo to making some pretty amazing friends that I can't imagine my life without. But, this job also caused me to spiral into a year long depression that turned my whole world upside down. Seeing how I am supposed to be “positive” in this post, that had a silver lining too. It made me face some longstanding issues and get healthy...really healthy, for the first time in my life. As traumatic as the end of my time at this job was, it did change my life for the better and for that I have to be thankful.  

5. And finally, what may be the most important one of all...I now know I am never alone. I mean, I never really was alone but a lot of the time I twisted my reality to make myself feel alone. I have the most supportive family in the world who accept me AND all my faults. I also now have a stable group of friends who do the same. Friends who have never once abandoned me (like a few others did) during this stressful time. I can honestly say I have put a lot of people close to me through hell the last year or so. I can also say that they have all stuck by me, been honest with me and supported me when I needed it the most. I will never, ever forget what these people did for me. They saved me from myself.

I'm not going to lie...going into the New Year scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified of what it holds or, does not hold. But I also know that the five things I have listed here have changed my life for the better and have armed me to go forward into 2012 with the most positive attitude I have ever had. And that, my friends, is huge.

I hope your 2012 is filled with health, happiness, friends, family and wine.

You know you love me,

Stacey-Version 2.0 xo

A Brand New Greeting For ALL!

I received mixed responses regarding my last post on the controversy of saying "Merry Christmas". Some people agreed with me, some definitely did not. 


I've been thinking about what everyone had to say, trying to figure out a solution to make everyone happy. Well, I think I've found it. Ironically, it was hanging on my "Christmas" tree. From now on, let's use a brand new greeting. One that sums up the holidays in 2 little words...."Merry Excess". 

May you spend your Excess Season eating too much, drinking too much, shopping too much,  and above all, visiting with your loved ones too much. Because let's face it, too much is often not enough.


Merry Excess!


You know you love me,


Stacey xo

Merry CHR***MAS!

I recently posted this cartoon on my Facebook page mocking the fact that “Christmas” has essentially become a expletive. Someone on my Facebook friend list reported me for posting it and it was removed from my profile. Yes, you read that correctly. I was reported for posting a CARTOON.

We are living in a time where we have to watch absolutely everything we say for fear of offending someone. It is ridiculous. People have become so “god” damned sensitive that I swear, it is making me even MORE offensive in my opinions and the things I say or post on my Facebook page. It has become a form of rebellion for me.

I find the fact that saying MERRY CHRISTMAS has become politically incorrect appalling. We live in Canada, a free country. That we are having to change our traditions to appease other people/cultures is a joke. Now don't go labelling me a racist or say that I am culturally “insensitive”. I'm not. At all. I welcome other cultures. I believe we can learn a lot from each other. After all, Canada is and has always been, a mosaic of people and cultures. But just as we have to adapt to the customs of other countries when relocating or simply visiting, I feel that others should have to do the same. I'm not saying that I expect folks of different cultures to embrace our traditions, I'm saying that they should respect them.

I am aware that Christmas is based on Christianity and I can tell you that I am 100% NOT a Christian. I have absolutely no use for “god” or “christ” (I have extremely strong opinions on this). I, however, am not the least bit offended by someone saying “Merry Christmas” to me. I think of it as a pleasant greeting like “Happy Holidays” or “Season's Greetings”. I mean come on, for a lot of people the religious aspect of Christmas is somewhat of an antiquated notion at this point. What does shopping 'til we drop, maxing our credit cards and eating and drinking like pigs have to do with the baby jesus? Absolutely nothing. Christmas now has multiple meanings and everyone has their own personal definition. For some it is celebrating the “birth of Christ”. For me, it is spending time with loved ones and showing my appreciation for them (with a whole lotta food and wine).

I guess what I am saying is, we can't please all of the people all of the time. It is impossible. So, let's just practice respect and acceptance of all. All people. All customs. All traditions. There really is room enough for all of us.

Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings and, you guessed it, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Look the F**K Out

I am in  bit of a foul mood the last couple of days. I took some allergy medicine and it affected me in a very negative way. Not sure if it was a drug interaction or I just can't handle the medicine. Regardless, I am feeling very pissy and I am going to rant my ass off because of it. Good ol' purge therapy. Here goes:


1. I am SICK of people judging others on how they look. If you look so god damned perfect, why aren't you making millions as a supermodel? Get over yourselves. Seriously.


2. I am SICK of people judging ME because I have an armband tattoo. Listen assholes, I got it when most of you were still in diapers. You think your "sleeves" aren't going to be dated one day soon? At least I can remove mine in 4 easy appointments. How many will it take remove your full body tattoos? I'll have the last laugh.


3. I am SICK of former "friends" coming out of the woodwork and accusing me of various shit. Guess what? You mean NOTHING to me. You don't even cross my mind at this point. F**k off and die. Yup, I said it.


4. I am SICK of paying an arm and a leg to eat healthy. What is wrong with society when fast food is cheaper than fresh? No wonder obesity and diabetes have reached epidemic levels. 

5. I am SICK of criminals getting a slap on the wrist regardless of the severity of their crime. Whatever happened to an eye for an eye? Why are these people coddled? Why is it the victims who have to fight for THEIR RIGHTS? Total bull shit.


6. I am SICK of taking the time to write someone a message or an email only to get NOTHING back. I am so DONE with lopsided friendships. And the "I'm so busy" excuse doesn't fly with me. It takes less than 5 minutes to fire off a quick email. MAKE the time.


7. I am SICK of being given the "silent treatment" or being "punished" because I couldn't attend an event. Sometimes life gets in the way and it's just not possible. It doesn't mean I don't CARE. It means my current circumstances prevented me from attending. Life does NOT revolve around YOU.


8. I am SICK of living in a society where forgiveness is non-existent. Everyone makes mistakes. EVERYONE. 


9. I am SICK of how people on Facebook try and pretend their lives are fairytale perfect. Get real and be HONEST. You aren't fooling anyone.  "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". 


10. I am SICK of being crucified for my opinions. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS. If you don't like them...too f**king bad. 

I'm sure there will be those out there saying, "Stacey is so negative". Yes, my personality does tend toward the negative but I've worked very hard this year to become a more positive person. With that being said, there is still A LOT of shit that pisses me off....and I'm not afraid to say it.


You know you love me...and if you don't, I really don't care,


Stacey xo

I Just Don't Understand

My brain is typically always in high-gear. I'm one of those people who has a hard time shutting it off. I swear this could possibly be the number one cause of insanity. Anyway, I've been thinking about a few things that I don't quite understand. I don't mean things like war, poverty, etc. I mean little things that vex the shit out of me. Why don't I just dive right in?

1. I don't understand why so many YOUNG families have house cleaners? What is it exactly that kids do to contribute to the household these days? My siblings and I each had our chores that we had to do on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. How are kids of this generation going to know how to keep a house? Or better yet, learn responsibility? I weep for the future.
   
   

   

   Oh, honey...no, no, no! Don't do THAT! The house cleaner will do it for you.
2. I don't understand why some empty-nesters live in giant houses? Isn't this when you would want to move into something smaller? A great condo perhaps? Why the hell do you need a house with 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms and a yard the size of a park when it is just two of you? I don't get it.
   
   
3. I don't understand how some girls move from boyfriend to boyfriend and into serious relationships (or marriage) so quickly? Wouldn't you want some time to yourself to regroup? I don't see how this is healthy. You know, it IS okay to be single, if even for a little while. You won't be shunned by society (even though it feels like it sometimes *rolling eyes*).
   
   

   

   NEXT!
4. I don't understand why people refuse to signal when turning? Did this become optional and I missed the memo? I mean, if it is physically too hard for you to FLICK the signal lever up or down, maybe you shouldn't be driving. If you see this is a form of rebellion or being “cool”, you are a loser. Plain and simple.
   
   
5. I don't understand when it became so easy to just write someone off? In the age of email and Facebook, it seems people have become “disposable” just like electronic equipment and furniture. Why are people so quick to just DELETE someone from their lives instead of talking (I know, it's an antiquated notion) and working through things? This makes me sad.

I dunno, maybe I am over-thinking things. I am famous for that. But honestly, life in 2011 is bloody complicated. I've said it before and I'll say it again...I long for the UNcomplicated, innocent, technology-free 80's.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

'Friends' Lied To Me

I recently stumbled upon my copy of 'Reason, Season, Lifetime'. This is such an important poem. It really helps me deal with the fact that some of my friendships have not lasted or have ended abruptly. It came at a perfect time too, as I am trying to put the past behind me...once and for all.

I often struggle with the feeling that I don't fit in anywhere...don't have a solid group of pals who are together all the time, like on 'Friends'. As long as I can remember, I have wanted lifelong, joined at the hip, for better/for worse "best friends". You know, like Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey. Well, at the age of 40 I have finally realized they don't exist in real life...at least not for me. 

Anyway, if you ever feel this way, give this poem a read. It really does help make sense of things.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.  

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

You know you love me,

Stacey xo

Stigma Be Damned

I recently finished reading my favourite book for the 3^rd time. It is the autobiography of Seattle actress Frances Farmer entitled, 'Will There Really Be a Morning”. The book was given to me by my Grandma Sook and is one of my most cherished possessions. The book focuses on Farmer's struggles with mental illness and living a life with almost no love and support. Due to my struggles with depression, I read it this last time with a different set of eyes.

Frances Farmer (1913-1970) was a free-thinking, independent screen actress during the Golden Age of Hollywood. She made several pictures and worked with the likes of Bing Crosby and John Barrymore. She did not set her sights on the bright lights of Hollywood but through a series of events, ended up there. Her real passion was for the stage. Frances' mother, Lillian Farmer, was perhaps one of the first stage mothers from Hell. The relationship between mother and daughter was strained at best. Lillian's endless quest for the spotlight by association lead her to exploit her daughter repeatedly. Due to Frances' sometimes erratic behaviour and rebellion, her mother told flagrant lies in order to have her committed to an insane asylum where her life was forever changed.

Frances Farmer 

Farmer's account of her (and others) treatment in the asylum reads like the script for one of the torture movies that are so popular now (Saw, etc). Daily rapes, beatings and starvation were the norm. These heinous acts were often committed by the medical “professionals” and staff who were supposed to be caring for these women. Their most basic human rights were violated on a daily basis. The women were often left naked and shackled. There were no proper bathroom facilities and using the toilet often meant having to go in a pail or on the floor in the corner of their “cells”. Bathing was permitted once a month and no toiletries (or undergarments) were available when the women were menstruating. This, shockingly, was the norm in 1930's and 40's sanitariums. Abuse of the mentally ill was rampant, physically and psychologically. Even the “medical” treatments so many people (including Frances) endured were torture. So-called cures such as Insulin shock therapy, hydrotherapy and lobotomy were nothing short of barbaric.

The reason I am writing this is because some 80 years later, abuse of the mentally ill is still far too common. From emotional and physical abuse to the stigma attached to those who suffer. No-one chooses to suffer from anxiety disorders, depression or schizophrenia (Ms. Farmer was diagnosed with everything from manic depressive psychosis to paranoid schizophrenia). It is the hand that some people are dealt. Until society realizes that mental disorders are an illness just like high blood pressure or diabetes, nothing is ever going to 

change.

If you know someone who suffers, be patient, be compassionate. And most importantly, don't abandon them. Far too many people suffer in silence. Remember, it often takes months, sometimes years to find a treatment that works. Mental disorders don't have a standard one size fits all treatment. If you think “dealing” with someone who is sick is “exhausting”, try walking a mile in their shoes. Imagine how frustrating and at times seemingly endless the search is for a treatment that fits.

Despite the absolute horror Frances Farmer was forced to endure for many years, she remained remarkably resilient. She was a survivor. I too, am a survivor. I dedicate this post to all of the lost souls, past and present, who were/are forced to navigate this journey alone.

“She'll come back as fire. To burn all the liars. Leave a blanket of ash on ground.”--from the Nirvana song, 'Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle'.

You know you love me,

Stacey xo